Purposeful Life

Always a million things
circling around
in the limitless limits
of my cranial cavity
bumping into one another
or travelling their merry path unhindered
such is the existence
of each solitudinous thought.

Today seem an abundance
of active thoughts
of thoughts about thoughts taking a back seat to deeds
and yes, indeed, there are many deeds, of which I am thinking today.

So many plans
so many things to do
teetering on overwhelm
but somehow controlled
because somehow seeming
more possible today
than other day
that are otherwise identical
other than the ability to work with overwhelm
rather than be engulfed by it.

Something I have decided lately
is that while I long for a more simple life
of things being easier
with less to do
this is not what I want at all
because it is these things
that make me feel alive
and that give me a passion for life
and for living
and the inspiration and drive
to continue each day
and to seek out a purposeful existence
and that is the way I want to live.

As much I am not really doing
crazy, overwhelming, ridiculously busy life
I don't think I could do
simple, easy, routine and boring life either.

What I need to be working towards
is not simplicity
although that works well for some
for me it is my fate
to be busy
and to learn that planned down time
is not laziness
and that relaxation
can also be purposeful
but most of all
I seek to live a full
and busy
and purposeful life.

That I Do

Have a "feeling" day today
where I am just coming out
and saying what I feel.

Look out world;
this is never a pretty process.

Everything from selfish, bullying drivers
to lovely, aging ladies who are trying to lead others in outdated and useless processes
are the focus of my verbalisations at the moment.

This is not to say that I am walking around abusing people
no, that is not what I do
but certainly biting my tongue is not what I do today either
not bowing graciously in silence when precious time and effort
is wasted when it could be much better utilised
through simple communication
and organisation.

So, that is me today
and it kind of feels good to feel
but I do realise
that I have a tendency to upset the apple cart at these times
and that when I feel I have been playing a role
that isn't me and I get to the whole crucible stage
rather than managing things step by step as they occur
then I'm really no fun at all for anyone else.

The other thing
perhaps separate
perhaps very much related
is that I have not slept well the last few nights
but without normal reason or cause
and have been very disconcerted
by the many, many energies around me
to the point where this morning
a voice woke me up
she told me "something"
just one or two words
and I think she counted to three
or was it from three to one?
and it wasn't like it was a dream
and it didn't feel like I was in a hypergognic state
it felt like she was standing next to the bed
actually saying whatever it was she said
and it wasn't worrying
if anything I had a sense of an explanation
like what she said made sense
and the problems sleeping made sense
but now I can't remember what she said.

So I have been very carefully and diligently
cleansing the energy around me
and creating a layer of protection around me
but am still feeling
penetrated
so maybe I'm meant to be feel more
maybe that's what this is about.

Oh, who knows
I'm just going to have to
work with it
day by day
and seek progress
in all that I do.

Sleep

Slowly backing away
but not sure why
I seem to have slipped
and am seeking
the same destructions
and today I have found
that I have double-booked
which I hate doing
as the best of times
but particularly on this occassion
as one appointment is very much overdue
and is one that has been trying to happen
again and again
but which can only be scheduled
in the narrowest of windows
and even then
has needed to have been
rescheduled so many times already
and now here I am
having to reschedule again
because the other appointment
is unavoidably necessary.

I've felt the energy changing
so much lately
swinging back and forth
like a pendulum on speed
and I seem to be
stuck to the pendulum
and swinging back and forth, too
only the pendulum
lives in Dorothy's Aunt Em's house
and is caught up in the magical tornado
that spins between the worlds.

Yes, that's where I feel like I am at the moment -
in a tornado between the worlds.

And there's no fairy dust in this tornado
and all I want to do is sleep.