I woke up yesterday morning after a respectable seven and a half hours sleep, feeling ok-ish but within about half an hour I was a crumpled heap on the kitchen floor. I have no idea why but it was so intense and I've never gone so deep so quickly before. My rational mind was trying to suggest things that I could do but there was a thundering roar shouting back at it to say I didn't want to make anything better, ever.
I put the oldest two kids on the bus to school for the first time, saving me about half an hour, and then took the smiley monster to care and was back in my jammies and in bed by 8.30am. I was cold all day, even with the electric blanket back on, which I only usually put on to warm the bed and then turn it off once I am in of a night. I didn't have anything to eat or drink all day and I wasn't hungry or thirsty at all. I slept more than five hours during the day and cried most of the rest of the time. I had to pick the kids up from school and take them to martial arts and it was horrible. I went to my room and lay on my bed in the cold and dark as soon as I got home with only the Kman visiting me from time to time to hug me and tell me he loved me. I was so grateful but also felt so guilty to make him witness to such a confusing and upsetting experience.
I slept another eight hours last night and feel like I could do it all again today, but the smiley monster is home so I won't be able to. I feel a million times more stable today, but am still shaken and tender from whatever the hell was going on with me yesterday and I still have no idea what happened.