Saturday, February 6, 2010

Is Manageable

Where did the mess go?

There were so many things
That I wanted to do
For this weekend
And that were glaring at me
From their various
Dumping zones
In every room of the house
And there were so many other things
That I wanted to do
But that I didn't have time to do
If I was going to do
All of the other things
That I wanted to do for this weekend

Late yesterday
I saw
That is was all done

I see
It is still all done

As suddenly as that!

Perhaps those pixies
Felt sorry for me
And turned their mischievous hands
Into helping hands

Or perhaps
I wasn't just shuffling
All of the bits of the "stuff"
From one pile of mess
To another pile of mess
And and was actually
Making progress

I guess life is exactly like that some times
You feel like your working your butt off
And not getting anywhere
And everyone is conspiring
Against you
And your plans
And your wishes
And actively doing things to make your job harder

But if you keep going
And going
And stay focused
Suddenly all of those pieces of "stuff"
Take a jump to the left
Then a step to the right
They put their hands on their hips
And bring their knees in tight
But it's the pelvic thrust
That really gets all of those pieces of "stuff" into the correct place in the natural order of your mind, your plans and your current version of reality and makes everything seem like it is exactly how you wanted it and that all of the toil and heartache were worth it.

Of course
There is still more "stuff"
Always will be
Life wouldn't be life without it

But it's different "stuff"
And today I believe that "stuff" is manageable.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Door Number Three

I feel like
I am pushing
Against an invisible barrier
And every step I take
Ends up with me being
Even further behind
Than when I started
To move forward
So how can I be moving backward?

I don't feel pain
Or hurt
Or depression
Or anger
I am moving
I am working on "stuff"
But when I look around me
I realise I have been distracted
And during my distractions
The little pixies have come
And added a few more
Bits of "stuff"
To the "stuff" I am already working on.

I know the answer.
I also know that I am making excuses.
I know that I don't know that what I am planning will be something I will be able to maintain.
I know that I want to try.
I know that I can try.
I know that I will be tempted to give in.
But that is what temptation is.
Making you want to do something that you really want to do anyway.

So, do you need to just remove the temptation?
Or do you need to condemn your own wants?

But surely there is something else behind door number three...

Thursday, February 4, 2010

It Would Seem

As I try to tidy things up,
I seem to be making more mess.

Then the kids touch the mess
and make even more mess
and I get cranky
at them
for making more mess
and at me
for making the first mess
and for not tidying it up sooner
and for getting cranky at the kids.

I really need all of the mess
by Sunday,
or maybe Saturday.

Having family over
and one special friend.

Sad that one member of my family wasn't invited.
My choice.
But still sad.

Proud of my kids.
Changes to our routine this year.
All going so smoothly.
Active kids.
Busy Kids.
But a little less busy this year, which is good.
And a lot less busy than their older siblings,
which has been difficult to obtain
but I can be stubborn
mostly pretty cruisey
but sometimes
very stubborn
perhaps more so again these days.

My computer is being a bit finicky.
Needs a reboot - that's where I kick it with my Doc's on twice.
Printer is being worse than finicky.

So many things
on my To Do list.
All of them that I actually want to do.
Not having as many of those days where everything is possible as I need to be having but still having them, which is a good thing (good, good in fact), and I have a cunning plan.

Well, not really cunning as such
but I just love saying that;
good old Baldrick.

That's all.
Just idle ramblings.
Bit of a brain dump.
Not very interesting at all, it would seem.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Another Problem to Solve


Songs in my head,
Keeping my headache company.

"There must be something we can talk about,
There must be something we can do,
We can get together,
We can get together"

Would it surprise you to learn that up until yesterday we still had our Christmas tree up?
It surprises me.

It's not up anymore.

That was my Tuesday task.
And "technically", it was completed because I defined the task as "taking the tree down".
And down it is.
But away it is not.
Because, like clothes in a wardrobe, the box it belongs in seems to have shrunk,
And I don't know why or how,
But it seriously doesn't look like it will fit.

Another problem to solve.

P.S. Sending love, peace and comfort to those in need today ♥

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

How It Should Be

you work really hard on something
and get it exactly how you like it
a minor tweak here and there
but otherwise
it's all perfectly functional
just so
just you
just right
and you think you will never change it

and sometimes
something happens and it has to change

and sometimes
nothing happens
but you wake up one morning
or you suddenly realise as you're buttering your toast
or doing the vacuuming
or when you're stopped at a traffic light
or having a shower
(my favourite is the shower)

that it has to change
that you want it to change

there is no should
no maybe
no perhaps, might, ifs, buts or otherwise

its just no longer you

and you know
that is, you just *know*
that it no longer serves you to hold onto it anymore

and you don't just think about changing it
you do it
straight away

and once it's done
you feel better
you feel good about it
you don't miss it at all
even though you are glad that it was what it was
you are even gladder that it is what it now is

and it gives you a calm

well, that is 2010 for me
maybe for you, too

sure, it happens all the time
well, maybe not *all* the time
but its not particularly unusual
for most people

but 2010 is proving to be one of these things after another
in areas that I didn't think needed any changes at all

and I'm not worried
because I am trusting in myself
believing in those feelings
that knowing

and it may not all turn out 100% perfect
first time
every time

but, then again, what does?

but having made the change
is good

in 2010 I am expecting the unexpected
and trusting
and having faith
and listening
and answering

yes, that is now
and that is how it should be