2011 - So Mote It Be

New Years Eve
almost here
and so glad I am
to see the back
of 2010.

I've been doing
a hell of a lot
of looking back
over my life
and am finally starting
to see things
much more clearly
than I ever have before.

Not all of it is pretty
and there is much of it
that was downright horrible
horrendous
and I am finally starting
to see all of that
for what it was
and to actually feel
the things
that I should have let myself feel
at the time.

This has been very tough indeed
and even though this year
has not has as many of these
terrible events
which I am honestly grateful for
it has still made
2010
one of hardest years of my life.

And while opening myself
to all of this past pain and hurt
that still affects me today
has been tough
it was work that I had to do
and to do in my own time
when I was ready.

Even though 2010
for me
has not been a very good year
it has still been
much of what I expected
on some levels.

One of the strongest feelings
that I started this year with
was that I would experience
personal revelations
in the way I looked at life.

Copernican shifts
was the term
that stuck with me
and 2010
has been very true to that indeed.

I've done a lot
of stripping things back
of stripping myself back
and with the end of 2010
I feel I am now ready
to move out of that stage
even though
for me the transition
probably won't fully occur
until my birthday in February
I can still feel the change
beginning now
and am well and truly
welcoming it into my life.

Even so
this has been one of the happiest Christmases
I have had for a very long time.

This year's summer solstice
blessed me with
such amazing energy
and was such a shift in itself
but I see this
more as a move
into the next phase of my life.

This new years eve
I am starting the year
how I intend for it to finish
and will do
all in my power
to make that so.

I have but one wish
for new years eve
and that is health
for I accept responsibility
for all of the other blessings
and I know
that my life is now
as I have created it
and through that knowledge
and experience
I have the power
to make my future
all that I want it to be.

May all of my family and friends
also have the gift of health
and have a year that is free from illness and injury
so that the rest of what we long for
can find a place in our lives as well.

In 2011
so mote it be.

Know God

That everyone
explores
and decides upon
their own belief system
is of paramount importance
in my eyes.

Whatever you decide
let it be your own choice
and may you enjoy the freedom
to express your beliefs
without fear of prejudice
and without distraction
to allow for the respect
of every other person's beliefs.

But
no matter what you decide
I cannot help
but hope
from the greatest depths of my heart
that you have an understanding of
the divine
and that you find your key
to connecting
to that universal energy
and really knowing your creator
so that you have a sense of belonging
and connection to
by whatever name you shall know
God.

My Reality

I know
you mess with my head
but I still
after all these years
don't know
if you mean to or not.

Once foes
now careful allies
maybe even friends
how ever things were
and
how ever things are
it is good
healthy even
to be able to
honestly
truly
put aside
all of the hurt
betrayal
doubt
and just enjoy
one another's company.

Even so
you always seem to say
something
that keeps me wondering
and opens me to the mystery
that is your past
and makes me think about
how much of that
I should let in.

There are so many times
where you have
completely and utterly
summed me up
without the sugar coating
and again you do that for me
and I seem to learn from it
in a positive way
in the face of
negative words.

And never do I
take offence
to what you say
about me
but it is the things you say
about others
the ones I love
on whose authority
can you speak
and say the things you do
that leave me wondering
and leave me second guessing
your motives
their motives
and even my motives
by the way you look at things
and the things you say
that mess with my mind
even after all these years.

I've said it before
and I'll say it again:
family is a strange beast
and it is one that extends
beyond the blood lines
to those we give passage-way
into our lives
directly
or by proxy.

Any you are in mine
and it has been so
so
so
painful at times
but the pain seems to have gone now
and I am ready
to learn the lesson
and take that lesson
into the next phase
which I can feel building
and forcing it's momentum
into my reality.