Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Time

Control.

More of an illusion
than reality.

Striving for control creates struggle.

Relinquishing control invites nothingness.

How to find the balance.

What is helpful?

What is instinctual?

At what point does action reject a tendency or inclination?

Answers lead to more questions.

More to think through.

Which is taking up
even more of my already limited time.

One step at a time.

Sometimes it's just one minute at a time.

Success of sorts tonight.

Seeking control.

Creating struggle.

But winning.

One small victory
in a never ending battle
but a victory never the less.

Striving to repeat the positive action
to create the positive habit.

Getting there.

Slowly.

Maybe.

One step at a time.

Divinity

So, so many ups and downs.

This is my life.

As it is the life of many
I would suspect.

Today I am hopeful
and that counts as an up
even though my mind is racing
with the multitude of things
that I need to be on top of
and my anxiety levels
are teetering on the edge
as some recent unexpected setbacks
int he mundane world
have put me so much further behind.

Until recently
I have only ever seen
God at work in my life
and never a negative "force"
that worked in the same way.

So many times
it is like I have been delivered
exactly what I needed.

Some small things
some big things
and I have been grateful
not only that I have received these things
that I have seen as gifts from God
but also because
my heart has been open
to see them that way at all.

But lately
there have been a few instances
more than just coincidences
where I have felt positive about something
had a good plan
been motivated
and something happens
that seems to speak to me
as directly as those positive things
but in a negative and destructive way.

This has really left me questioning
some of my beliefs about the shadow side of divinity.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Worlds Apart

This is everyone.

Worlds apart.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

This Time

As loss is only temporary
so is the pain of loss.

Some things have a way
of working themselves out
and this leaves me grateful
as I had beeen
before the fall.

Tonight I am content.

Things are not perfect.

Indeed,
they are really so far
from perfect
that it's not fully.

But things are stable.

And that about as good
as I can expect
at this time.
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