Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Whatever

Examining faith.



Yes
I know
there is a problem there already.

Faith *should* exist
in the absolute absence
of examination.

Meh, whatever.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Enough Already

My unfaithful friend and companion
returned again on the weekend
so suddenly
and unexpectedly
and with profoundly dire implications
on my whole existence
and ability to function
to a degree
that I have never experienced before.

Like a tornado
he blew in
and left a trail
of devastation and destruction
within me
that I didn't think possible
especially considering
all of the excellent progress
I had been making on so many levels
but
he just had to have his say
and that he did
in no uncertain terms
and with no fluffing around the issues.

At least I can rely on him
to always tell it like it is
and even though he is a harsh judge
there is a cold truth in all he has to say.

Then
staying true to the tornado metaphor
he was gone
as suddenly as he came.

I didn't feel him come
and I didn't feel him go
but I knew when he was present
and when he wasn't.

And once he was gone
I was raw
and a little numb
and could start to look at
the damage that had been done
and to consider rebuilding
where just hours before
I never would have thought
that rebuilding of any kind
was even the most remotest of possibilities.

Today
I started the day
at 10pm last night
after three or four hours sleep
and I have been awake since.

I feel like I am in shock
like having been in a car accident
where the car is a crumpled mess
but I have been able to crawl out of it
and walk away
not completely unscathed
but certainly alive
and realising what a near miss I had just had.

Now I continue with the knowledge
that even when I feel he is far away
and safely chained up
that I will never be
completely impervious to his attacks.

That is a reality.

And as distasteful
a house-guest
he is
he must serve a purpose.

This time
some of my core beliefs
have taken a battering
and have been left so
bruised and swollen
that I barely recognise them any more.

Perhaps this was the purpose of this visit.

Just so more things to work through
like I didn't have enough already.E
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