Saturday, January 24, 2009

What a Wonderful Day!

Too hot to fall asleep last night and too hot to stay asleep this morning but am surprisingly not feeling too tired at all. Looking forward to today.


Very sociable day - and very enjoyable without feeling stressed, which is always a good thing. Have much planned for the morning followed by trip to Sydney, dinner, visiting on Sunday and then moseying back home. Should probably get some beauty sleep then....

Friday, January 23, 2009

Hooray For Me

So, I piked on doing the utility cupboard today - must have decided it would be a better thing to embark on with the smiley monster home today so he can "help" when I have everything out of the cupboard and all over the kitchen.

Thinking about giving the kids back to school hair cuts today. Also going to put my accountant hat on and do The Starchild's BAS. One visitor planned for today with another one still tentative :-)

Another busy day to be sure!

Have had two decent nights sleep in a row and my sniffles are all gone. Just a bit of a lingering headache but not too bad. Will have one last dose of the cold and flue tablets (which I had to show my drivers license to buy coz it's such a crazy old world we live in these days) and hopefully that will be it.

Got a call from the Virgo Nurse yesterday who is in the midst of wedding plans - very exciting! She wanted me to have my hair and make up done with the bridal party, which I really appreciated and have actually agreed to - very unlike me. Concern over the nine live cat with clipped wings - funds needed but the M word is crying poor after receiving $60K from sale of house less than a year ago. Not entirely surprising but heartbreaking given the current need. What is surprising is that I have found that I am not feeling resentful about this - or indeed about any part of the situation and all that it means to the lives of me and my family. The word resentful is still there on some level but it is just a word now and doesn't seem to have any emotions attached. This is a big step I guess but it doesn't feel sensational at all, it just feels normal. It's good to let go of some of the intense feelings I have been carrying for 15 years now and to know that I did it as a conscious choice and through accepting responsibility only for the things that I can control.

Going to Sydney on the weekend, BBQ with the outlaws on Monday then class on Monday night. Am actually feeling organised. Hooray for me on so many levels!

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Rescue Stand By Alert

Good visit last night from Mrs P to progress the company stuff. There are a few action points on me so I'd best get cracking, hey.

Play date for the impossible princess ended up being arranged for 11am-ish so that gave us time to get to the shops. Kman spent his Xmas vouchers on lots and lots and lots of Lego - he's one happy camper and I have earnt bonus points as I assisted in the decision making process and while the two finalist in the 'Most Expensive Lego Ever' category were both very worthy, the one I suggested is apparently coolest with lots of traps to build (it's an Indiana Jones one) and crazy-ass extra's like spiders and spider webs and two Lego skeleton dudes. Yes, when it comes to choosing cool Lego, I certainly know my stuff and can please any nine year old, to be sure. I only hope I can maintain this demi-mother status as he grows older.

I also picked up another DVD, like I didn't have enough. Oceans Thirteen this time. Looking forward to watching that. Hmmmm.

Last purchase was two plastic jugs (one for taking water into the rainbow lorrikeets aviary and one to help the kids change the water in their fish tanks) and two plastic drawer units for the utility cupboard in the kitchen. Very happy with them so far but the final test will be in a few hours once I have finished taking everything out of the cupboard and executing the re-org (will I ever stop with the retail speak? - hey, at least I'm not going to draw up a plan-o-gram!)

So, that's were I'll be for the next few hours. If I don't resurface then please alert Kman to send his Lego Indiana Jones in after me.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

ET Phone Home

Watched ET with the widdies this afternoon. What a classic - they loved it! Funny seeing the young Drew Barrymore as well. Would you believe that The Starchild has never see that movie? Hasn't seen Ghost Busters either! For mine, these facts are ones that should have been disclosed prior to marriage - not sure how things would have ended up if I'd known that!

Thanks For The DVD's

Sat down a read through the junk mail yesterday morning and found that there were a few little odds and ends that I was quite interested in. As the specials weren't to start until Thursday 22nd, I decided to write myself a little list. Then last night I realised that I have organised a play date for the impossible princess on Thursday. Yes, I know that they only *start* on Thursday but I didn't want to go on another day and digging through the dregs (particularly with Target as always seems to be the case).

But I decided to venture out in to the big, wide world today to go to the chemist and buy one of everything in stock in order to a) try to make myself feel better, b) give options to The Starchild in case he decided to take something (he is becoming increasingly fussy about so many things but mostly the medicine stuff is cause he is worried about taking stuff when he is driving and usually so tired already), and c) re-stock widdie medicine supplies in case they need it soon.

While out and about, I wandered into Big W and found that they were stocking their displays for their big DVD sale (which was all I had on the list for that store, and quite unusual cause I usually don't look at the DVD sales in catalogues) and though they didn't have tickets or shelf talkers, they did have the catalogue pages and to my very pleasant surprise, the DVD's scanned at the special prices. Well, all except one and I just told them at the register and they got it checked and then charged me the lower price.

So, the list I made for DVD's was more extensive than I thought I'd buy just so I'd have a wide range to chose just a few to purchase from. But as I worked my way through the list I was finding all of the ones I put down so I ended up having to stop looking cause I was worried about how much I was going to spend. So, I ended up with 13 movies for about $110. Very chuffed am I and very grateful to the universe that it all worked out. Have been reading up on the Law of Attraction and this is one of those things that may or may not be related but if I choose to think it is related and it makes me happy and gives me another reason to express gratitude to the world then that has to be a good thing, right?

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Using My Powers For Good Not Evil

Not such a good day today. Fell asleep for about 5 minutes then The Starchild came home so I climbed into bed but had to get up to pick up the smiley monster and take the other two to martial arts as The Starchild had to go back out again. Had weird dreams while I was asleep and was woken up right in the middle of one. It was also very hot again today so all in all it didn't make for a very restful sleep. And now I am sitting here when I should be in bed. Hmmm, bad habits to be sure and with a very negative effect on my willpower. If I'm going to have flow on effects then I should be using my powers for good not evil.

Napping After Lunch

Got lots done yesterday, but still some carry over from yesterday's list. Class last night was good but I am increasingly aware that while I feel I am getting more and more I am also having trust issues, which is relatively unusual for me. There are a few things from different areas that I am trying to work through and this is one of them I guess. Widdies are back at martial arts this arvo. Interesting online chat on facebook with a friend from several lifetimes ago until late last night. Not enough sleep due to going to bed too late, taking hours to fall asleep and sleeping fitfully and seemingly very lightly. Sniffing is worse today. Will have a nap after lunch, me thinks.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Organisation, Sniffing and Willpower

Feeling quite organised today. Lots to do but all entirely achievable. Wrote up my To Do list for today during the day yesterday and found myself working on it as soon as I wrote it. The result is that I am now way ahead on my list for today - yippie!

We're a sniffy lot at the zoo still. The Starchild is apparently worse today having added a nasty cough to his symptoms and the impossible princess now has a nose like a leaking tap but Kman seems to be much better. I think I'm about the same.

Didn't do well on the willpower on Friday and Saturday but back on the wagon again today. Also did an hour on the bike last night but followed it up with Co-Co Pops. Still, better than not exercising at all.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Just One Really Long Paragraph That Leads To The Abyss

Back to church today. Smaller than normal with the pastor and his wife away on holidays and all sound equipment etc locked away so just our musical guest on guitar, the pious Mr B on bongos and his good lady wife singing. No projector therefore no words for the congregation so just two "old songs that everyone will know the words to" that I don't think I've ever heard before and I didn't appear to be the only one. Perhaps I'm not the only one who is weak in the eyes of God, which is spiritually immature apparently, according to today's sermon. Am really struggling again to find peace in regards to church and am not sure what I'm doing there. Particularly as there is repeated references from different people (three in the last two times we have been there) to the fact that we're not meant to go to church for our own enjoyment but instead we should be devoted only to worshipping God. And I didn't even know the two had to be mutually exclusive. I'm not sure what is wrong with enjoying the music, or finding something meaningful in the sermons or liking the company and feeling of community. But apparently it is egotistical and detracts from ones love of God to seek out these things in church. Perhaps I'm twisting things and they're only said that way to conform to the ambiguity of religious scripture but this is what I am hearing. Ok, so I think I do know I'm in the wrong place but there are things there that I like and that I like my family being involved with so I'm not ready to step away. It is at the forefront of my mind again though so I will need to think more about it - perhaps even pray on it. Which leads me to another source of intrigue and doubt that I keep getting hooked up on - the voice of God or any type of spiritual messages and how they can relate to insanity or deception though misguided desire for self-importance. Or mayhaps I'm just too logical or too unspecial or too much in the mundane world or walking around with my eyes closed or walking around with my eyes open or not filled with enough faith or whatever. I don't know. And I don't know if I need to know, but it seems to me that I do and then it also seems to me to be careful what you wish for because when you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks into you.

KISS Marathon

Bee Gee's marathon on Rage tonight.


Reminded me very much of a KISS marathon on many, many, many moons go (although I'm sure the same KISS marathon has been on many times since but I have only ever since it once again and that was on video - mayhaps taped on the same night - irony number one, me thinks).

So, a KISS marathon. Not too far in time from a Prince marathon. In similar circumstances but with KISS now such an immediate influence. But the Prince marathon is another story for another time.

So, the KISS marathon. On the mattress of many miles. But no mileage on that mattress that night. No, not THAT night.

It wasn't until the next day when I realised the significance - or even the power - of that night. Yes, power. I don't think I realised that was what it was then but now I know. And now I wish I had known then. But then I wonder what I would have done with that knowledge anyway.

There was a bit of a rule back then. Sort of unspoken but one I think we all broke. An anti-sharing rule. Somewhat uncomfortable when broken but friendship was stronger. This was a time of broken rules. Not wanting to be compared but kinda thinking it's ok because there is a kind of victory in the here and now.

But the victory was more than I realised. Yet what a pitiful prize. And not really claimed. I guess that comes back to the non-realisation of power thing again.

Something as simple as offering to get a drink of water and actually delivering. Felt just like good manners and decency at the time. But for this particular guy it was a big thing. I guess there was a sort of anxiousness and eagerness that didn't fit. Kinda cute; too willing to be at my beck and call. What is a beck, anyway?

And then I knew that he was in love - or at least in something a little stronger than lust. And many words have echoed in the halls of my mind since but I push them aside to control conceit and vanity with the true effect being de-valuing my own worth. I just didn't learn, I guess.

But there was a very intense time that I guess I remember more than he does and it all started with the night that the KISS marathon was on rage. It was a strange but fun time. Donna Doona. Marty Microwave. The zipper top and the skirt and the boots. And B. And the '1001 things you can do with a broken guitar neck' game. And J. But mostly B.

Having known the self-consiousnessless of her having to retrieve her bra from the light shade and to feel that I was still desired was liberating. But as is my way I held back. Didn't want to go to the karaoke comp. And then that reminds me of a time even before then when I thought I was even more unknown but was remembered "man, she can sing" to House of the Rising Sun with my $110 mic when I should have been too paranoid to open my mouth but I thought that would be worse and it turned out that singing was really ace. So, not wanting to go out when there was even as close as it comes to begging to join them but choosing to walk home by myself, past the arch-enemies house. Sometimes I wonder what was I thinking but then I see how things have turned out for me in my life now and I realise that walking away was the right thing.

And then there was the meeting a few years later when all of the special things had been forgotten. And I was right to walk away.

And after that there was The Starchild. And the few nervous interactions, one of which referred to the friends that liked KISS with thoughts of the night of the KISS marathon behind the words. And that was really part of the spark. And it reinforces that every second of my past experiences are a resource for my present opportunities and the keys to my future successes.

Love to B, wherever and whatever. Love to the universe. Love to me and mostly love to The Starchild.