How many times do we re-invent ourselves?
I don't mean in terms of reincarnation
just in our present lives
Mostly it is subtle
At least for the casual observer
Even if for us it flows from a resolution so strong that it over takes our whole being
Sometimes it is a Tower moment
Huge and sudden change
Sometimes physical, such as an accident
Sometimes environmental, such as losing our job or having someone new take a sudden and necessarily ongoing leap into our lives
Sometimes it is emotional, such as how we feel in response to a traumatic event
And we just decide
We need to change
But what I'm thinking about at the minute is the former
The subtle change
The change that sometimes creeps up on us
That weaves it's magic in and around our lives
Without us realising
Such as when we start to develop responsibility
Or we take on a new role, like as a parent
Then we look in the mirror one day
And realise that it has been so long since we laughed
Or did something
Or did nothing
And that's when we notice the change
And for a moment we want our old selves back
Are ready to demand our return
Take no prisoners - I want myself back
Perhaps its the lines on our faces
Or the increased level of self-maintenance
Or the loss of tone in our skin and our muscles
Perhaps its the scars
from little cuts and scratches
or bumps and breaks
or horrendous heart aches
And we cry out things like, "This is not what I signed up for"
"This is not what I wanted"
Then we ask ourselves, "Well, what did I want"
And we stumble over the answer
And start listing things that we didn't want
But that wasn't the question
Which is the first clue
To what we need to do
In order to turn in the direction we need to turn
And we can lament, and rue and regret
But we can't change the past
And allowing ourselves to dwell there, in the past,
Is confirmation that we still haven't learnt anything
Nothing at all
Or, we can accept the lessons
Acknowledge time as an abstract concept
And value unmeasured moments only
The here
The now
And make each one count
That is how we start to make those changes
The repeated actions
The become habits
And create the basis for our characters
So that one day
Many moments hence
We again look in the mirror
And realise that we laugh more again now
But not as much as we would like
And we do things now
But still sometimes find it hard to get motivated
And sometimes, just sometimes, we get to do nothing
We can relax
In a way that we choose
And we realise that there has been a change
But not as much of a change as to make us completely satisfied
(which would probably be the worst of fates)
And this time
The period of resentment subsides much quicker
And we move on to the reassessing stage
And when we look back this time
It is to compare what we now have
With our actual defined points from last time
And we can see
What we need to do
So we reinvent ourselves again
Subtly
With more of those repeated actions
That become habits
And that create the basis for our character
Yes, reinvention, even of the wheel, can sometimes be a wonderful thing
Change does not require fear
But fear requires change
So, let us run towards our fears
In order to change ourselves
Because that is what we were born to do
