Newest Addition to the Family

Yay! She's finally here, our new car. We picked her up today, and it all went wonderfully, despite having to do last minute run arounds to get a customer number from the RTA so she could be registered as a company vehicle and having to get a separate insurance policy as she couldn't be added to our combined policy - long story but it's all ok now ☺

I've never named a car before but this one seems to be named Thea. I didn't even realise at first that that makes her Thea the Kia, but that just seems to be the way things are. She is much bigger than our last car and only barely fits into the garage so we will only put her in there if we have to. She's not camera shy either and was happy for me to snap off a few shots and post one here:

I'm Surprised Bejesus Didn't Come Up On Spellcheck

Yippie - our new car will be available on Friday! The Starchild and I plan to go out and pick it up in the early afternoon so we will have it for our next big drive this weekend. This will be the test to see if the extra space will stop the widdies annoying the bejesus out of each other - and out of us!

The Walrus Obviously Needs A New Watch

Well, as per my last post, I planned to leave at 10:30am and, as usual, was late. I was in the car by 10:38am, grateful for the buffer I'd allowed.

The trip in was fine (I actually passed The Starchild on the way and we had a quick chat across our vehicles - perhaps the most we'll see of each other all day) and I found the blood bank after just one lap of the block it was on. They even had their own parking, which, of course, was full.

So after a few more laps of the block (including a nice drive past the beautiful beach front) and successfully avoiding running over a little old lady and reversing over another guy, I won the war of attrition with the other blood bank parkers and a lady drove out just as I was approaching. All with 5 minutes to spare.

I'd still be celebrating now if the rest of my trip was that successful. Unfortunately, as I have had melanomas removed within the last 5 years, even though they were benign, I need to get a copy of the pathology report to the blood bank who will need their doctors to have a look at it before they can give me the all clear to donate again.

So, that was my trip into town today.

I have also been mildly concerned that all of the clocks in my house weren't on the same time (it was probably what through the walrus out as well) so I have synchronised them all now and have taken almost as much pleasure in having them all on the same time as I have in using the word synchronised - gee, that's a fun word ☺

The Time Has Come, The Walrus Said

And a very important time it is, too, as I have finally made an appointment that it looks like I will actually keep at the blood bank.

It's been about three years since I last gave blood. I've made a few appointments that I have rescheduled and finally cancelled for various reasons but today I am feeling well, have had brekky and lots of water and juice, have done the grocery shopping (my only other Tuesday task) and have about 15 minutes before I have to be in the car in order to be about 10-20 minutes early for my appointment. I decided on this time frame because a) I am sick of being late; b) I haven't been to this blood bank before and I'm not exactly sure where it is; c) it is in town I am expecting parking to be a bit of a challenge and d) I am fully expecting to leave later than planned because that's just what I do.

I'm not sure if I am nervous about giving blood or if I am just nervous as the last two times I have been I have gotten a little woozy, which they don't really like to happen and have told me that if it happens a third time then I may not be eligible to give blood again. It was quite some time ago though and at a different place so I'll see how I go. I usually get sleepy and that worries them a bit but I'm fine with the needle as long as I don't look at it and I fully believe in what a wonderful thing it is to do.

Anyway, better go and find something to distract me so I can be late for my planned leaving time. Wish me luck!

Daily Choices

Car finance has been approved - hurrah! That's one less worry to carry - but also means there's room for more, as is my way.

We should have the new car in the next week or so although this week would be good as we have a trip to Lithgow planned this weekend. If this happens then this whole project will be right on schedule and will have been completed without any scope creep at all. That said, getting the car next week is still acceptable as the final go live date is actually the 29th of this month in time for our holiday

I'm starting to wonder if I am addicted to the thrill of stress. Sounds crazy but there is a logic there, perhaps even Wendy Logic.

I don't like roller coasters or extreme sports or anything like that so maybe my way of getting a bit of a thrill is to create difficult situations and work towards outcomes and time frames that are extremely challenging.

It does wear me down and I don't feel like I am enjoying it but one has to wonder why this is how my life is.

I'm a self-confessed Just In Time deliverer of everything and no matter how well planned or well organised I am, all my life I have left things until the last minute to complete. I take on many things and have very high standards and expectations. I burn the candle at both ends and knowingly choose things that I know will make things harder for me.

Even though I am aware of these patterns of behaviour, I am finding it extremely hard to modify them as I would like. But, I'm nothing if not stubborn (thanks for the reminder, Diana ☺) so I'm gonna practice what I'm good at and not give up until I'm where I want to be. In fact, I don't think I'm that far off, but I still know it's going to be hard work. Awareness is the first step; now I just need to focus on my daily choices.

In Thanks

Another day, another dollar - except for me it's spending dollars not earning them as I have no income ☺

Catching up on the things that didn't get done yesterday, like getting the kids school uniforms, ironing, cleaning etc but that's the "reward" for the "day off" yesterday. Hmmmmmm.

Have had lots of cuddles this morning, which is always nice, and am feeling better, except for the yelling between the siblings that seems to be louder than normal today.

Blessings and thanks for the comments and emails; I appreciate your understanding and support and am sending you all love, light and laughter in thanks.

Happy Mothers Day

Another day where expectation exceeded reality. Mothers Day. A day when those who are grateful express gratitude and the otherwise resonating silence echoes in the halls of our days. My children hug me and kiss me and express pure and innocent joy while all others in my life are there and not here, a product of my own making, I'm sure.

I had two wishes of this day: to sleep in and to spend time with my outlaws. Not much to ask, surely, but neither happened.

In my adult life, Mothers Day has always been a sad day for me, where where my personal resistance is stood to answer for my hopes and dreams that I have sacrificed to no reward. And while reward was not the intent, insignificance was not the desire either.

Were I a stupid, good for nothing, layabout, trading hot-dogs for moments of mourning and poker machines for moments of commitment, then my return would be the greater, it seems. But I am me, passionate ambassador for right and wrong and wronger and righter of those who would never provide the natural equilibrium that my heart of hearts always believed in.

And today, I reap what I sow. Hugs and and joy from my own children, half-arsed efforts from my step-children, polite indifference from my blood Bear, and zero effort from my chosen one. Excuses mean nothing, he is what he is and that part of my life is what it is and together it makes me feel unworthy of existance. My tears make me feel ungrateful and my aching heart makes me feel selfish.

Yet, I understand. If no one else understands, I do. It is better to be knowingly alone and sure of ones standing than to build a life around those that care little and will never understand the pain and disappointment of pointless and unappreciated sacrifice.

So, on another day when I am meant to be appreciated, I sit alone and contemplate my choices, for if nothing else in this world is mine then my choices alone define me. I am not whole and I am not complete. I do not disclose all of who I am to anyone and as an honest and open person this is torture to my soul. Anonymous giving is truly rewarding but known giving followed by complete absence of appreciation and gratitude, well, I'm sorry but that just tears into my heart and makes me want to slap myself either for not being enough or for choosing a life where apathy is my reflection.

Such is where I am tonight. Happy Mothers Day.