Friday, November 28, 2008

Mental Frolicking

Got some things sorted in my mind relatively unexpectedly in both theory and practice so feeling somewhat better today - although still unsure about my future in terms of work.

Bought a new sea snail today - behold, a new Earl! He lay on his back dormant in the tank for about 12 hours until I finally got time to do a water change but when I noticed he was moving I decided to sit there are watch him for about 15 minutes. By then he had righted himself and was starting to explore the tank so I thought I'd put off the water change until tomorrow in case it was too stressful for him. He's already had enough excitement for one day.

I bought groceries this morning and it was raining but I really, really, really enjoyed walking to and from the car in the rain. I turned my face to the clouds and resisted the urge to physically frolic but I was definitely frolicking in my mind.

Prayers for our musical guest and her hubby for their loss. Such sad news but they seem to be holding up well. Gives perspective but I wish they didn't have to experience such sadness. My love of the universe to them for healing and a new chance at a better time.


Still a little all over the place as far as direction but need to take control over my life and make it into just what I want it to be.

Had a good talk with the tea lady this morning. I would really like to pursue the ML thing but I just can't see how to get it off the ground. Will have a talk with The Starchild and see if we can't work something out and then I will pursue it with vigor as I would really like to have my own business - or at least 50% share one.

Getting focused starts right now.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Spam, Visualising and Dots in the Air

Somethings I keep forgetting to mention:

1) Dramatic reduction in the amount of spam lately. This is a good thing on many levels as I was starting to think that the spammers loved me more than my family and friends do.

2) Since the Stroud weekend, my ability visualise has improved. Some of the pictures are becoming quite clear but they are not very big. The improvement seems to be ongoing, which is quite encouraging.

3) I saw the clear dots two weekends ago. I used to see them all the time when I was little. I particularly remember seeing them when I would have day time naps, so that would have been before I started school. I would see a whole blanket of them then and I could control the directions they moved in if I tried, otherwise they would just float in unison, usually upwards. the are clear and small and they look flat although I think they are really spherical. The Starchild mentioned something similar a few years ago, since we have been up here. I tried to see them again then and I think that I brought them back when I tried but they used to come unbidden. The other weekend we were in the car and I saw them clearly, but there were only five or so of them and they weren't all joined. They floated upwards like they used to and when they floated out of sight I could bring them back again where they had been before. This happened several times and they were in the same formation each time. It made me smile and feel like a child again.


Sometimes I feel judged and that gets my back up but then I think I got it all wrong.

Sometimes I feel really, really lazy. I can't seem to get motivated. I know I am in control but I don't actually *do* anything. Is this who I am? Is this all I am meant to be?

I like lists but at the minute all I see are obstacles as to why the things on my list wont get done.

Am also circling around cynicism - that wasn't real help that was offered, and it wasn't real concern. Not even self-concern - what's that all about? It's hard to pour your heart out to someone when you are in your deepest depths and to know that all you were was a potential lift. Whatever. I guess this is too long after the fact to be dwelling so I hope this post will also serve as a purging. It's not like it's a surprise. No wonder I keep concluding that relationships on all levels are just illusions.

Feeling the need to clear out stuff. Have been going through old documents - why on earth do I need a four drawer filing cabinet as well as several archive boxes full of stuff? Getting that organised is a good thing. Freeing up space on my harddrive as well - yippie. Considering deleting emails *gasp* and unsubscribing from some of the groups and newsletters. We'll see how that one goes.

Have a few things on tomorrow that I just don't want to do. Nothing awful, in fact, mostly quite pleasant. I just don't want to fulfill my commitments. I'm sure that statement could entertain a psychologist for an hour or two.

Looks like there willl be a bit of a lightning show on tonight - way cool!

Blogging - So True!

Good one, Rylah - so true!

Chasing a Catch 22

Another crazy week.

Checked out a warehouse for ML with the tea lady on Monday. Want to look at a few more.

Slept all day Tuesday - literally! Did some more work on the ML presentation on Tuesday night and a job interview this morning.

Pretty happy though. Like being at home even if still loads of pressure and can't afford the cost of childcare but don't want to lose our place - bit of a catch 22. Now that's a book I'd like to read. Might see if I can track down a copy.

I remember thinking a few months ago that I wanted to simplify my life and that that crazy-busy stress was all of my own doing but I just didn't know how to un-do it. Well, even though it is hard, and bad timing and creating a huge struggle, I am truly grateful for this time and can see that I have been given what I asked for, and even more than that, I have been given what I needed.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Things Are Certainly Looking Uncertain

Fantastic weekend. Drinks and BBQ at the tea ladies house on Friday night and also got stuck into marketing powerpoint for ML. Much fun and good progress.

Housework on Saturday am. Then grandma bunny came over and took the widdies out and The Starchild and I made our escape for the night. Stayed at The Boathouse at Tea Gardens and it was wonderful. The room was just lovely - full kitchen, large balcony overlooking the lakes with boats and all, dining table, two lounges, pay TV, bedroom with second telly (with Pay TV as well), marble two basin vanity, walk in wardrobe/change room - and of course the spa, which had a big window that you could either roll the TV from the bedroom in front of and watch telly in the spa or look out the bedroom window over the water.

Dinner at the local on Saturday night. Afterwards, The Starchild watched the footy while I played guitar. Lots and lots and lots and lots of lovin. Good sleep. Early rise to watch the sun come up. Spa bath then a work out then breakfast then another spa bath and time to go. Had a bit of a drive round, checked out Ocean Beach, had a cuppa at a cafe/art gallery and then headed home. It was just so nice and it was such a shame that it was only one night. Missed the widdies but it was was wonderful to get time away all the same.

House was all good when we came home and grandma bunny and the widdies were out again so got to unpack and have a quick relax before they got back. Then a cuppa and a chat before bidding farewell to granma bunny. Played with the widdies, snoozed on the lounge, had dinner, watched season final of Idol (yay, Wes!) and stayed up till 1am watching telly, folding clothes and sipping wine.

Had an interview with another recruitment agency today, went much better than the last one but no promising jobs. Got a call from a different place again later in the day. The tea lady has put in her resignation.

Tarot spread on available choices talks about Faith, the Queen of Cups, the Two of Swords and The Fool for the ML option. Karmic spread gave me three of The Fool and three of The Devil.

It will be ok but it is still very uncertain, me thinks. I do feel very positive about life in general today and am very enthusiastic about everything I am doing so that has to be a good thing.