Saturday, January 3, 2009

Day Three's a Charm

Another great day today on many levels. The Starchild decided to clean up the KISSeum, including the random items that have found their way under the pinball machine and there resides for many moons. Said items including old family slides from both his side and my side of the family - not sure how we keep ending up with everyone else's stuff, perhaps because they don't have pinball machines for them to reside under but they don't want to throw them out, which is something they figure we'd never do.

Anyway, the bear had mentioned that she thought the bulb was blown in the slide projector so I tried several other options before this one (hand held slide viewer - corroded batteries and no longer working with new ones, looking at options to capture electronically either professionally or what hardware would be required to do it myself) and, lo and behold, it actually worked. Had a bit of a trip down memory lane, rest of family invited, the Kman in particular was very taken with the whole concept - he is so my boy! - but then the bulb stopped working again. Have removed and it doesn't look blown so suspect something horrendously tricky and even more horrendously expensive to be the issue, but will see if I can get a replacement bulb anyway and take it from there. Am planning on jpg'ing a lot of them (probably not the boxes and boxes of ones labelled 'scenes' with no other identifying information) and dispersing copies amongst the relevant family members.

Went for a bike ride today. My new seat padding is much more comfortably for my tush - thanx Santa. Breaks were embarrassingly squeaky and only appear to have three gears on what purports to be an 18 speed bike. Both items have been "looked at" by The Starchild so I will need to take extra care testing before embarking on next ride.

Successfully resisted garlic bread and chicken kiev's today - oh, such willpower I have!

Would like to read the book 'Catch 22' by Joseph Heller. My library card expired in April so will get that renewed and have to trot all the way to Maitland for a copy but think it will also be good to take the smiley monster to the library more often now that we are Friday companions.

Kman goes to camp for a week on Monday. I suck at being a Mum in these situations.

Friday, January 2, 2009

FIGJAM

Seriously progressing the company thing. Won't help an awful lot in the short term but by the start of the next financial year we should be traveling much better. Is also helping me avoid the feelings of worthlessness so that alone is of great value.

Hugely productive day today. Got some big-ish projects completed - yippie! The Starchild came home not long after I climbed out of bed, which made me feel a little guilty but only for a second as I was dressed and had begun to start the day by the time he made it through the door. It has been wonderful having him home so much lately, even if it hasn't been much of a rest for him as he works so hard on stuff around the home.

I have two items left on my To Do list that I haven't started. I will probably kick one if not both of them off before bed but I don't think I'll get them finished. I think I'm way ahead with all of the extra things that I did today that weren't on my To Do list so I'm still exceptionally pleased. And organised. And showing great willpower. Yadda, Yadda, Yadda.

The Starchild re-screened three of the upstairs windows today as the native birds eat huge holes in them, even though the screens on there are the heavy duty wire mesh stuff. Crazy-ass birds. My expression work for today was to make four black cats with eyes to it on the window ledges to hopefully scare the birds away. I haven't finished them yet but here is a picture of them resting against the window for now:



You can't really see them that well so I might take some more pics when they're done. I'm also thinking of doing some sort of birds to hang outside, but these will need a bit more thought.

The last things on my To Do list were YAAD stuff so that will be the last component of my NY focus successfully actioned again today. FIGJAM, I say!

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Happy 2009

Woke at 9.30am - or, more accurately I was woken at 9.30am. Not a bad starting time but it still made me ask The Starchild for one of his New Years Resolutions to be to not wake me up in the morning anymore *frown* I felt pretty good though, rather surprisingly. We took a drive out to Paterson for the widdies to watch the 9pm fireworks last night - it was the first time the smiley monster had seen such things, so that was a real joy. What was not a joy was the impossible princes being, well, impossible, and The Starchild being a growly grump. Sheeesh - I hope he grows out of that ;o)

Have started off well, helped Kman clean up his room (yay, such fun, and a good time was had by all), then had a crazy shake for brekky (I actually really like the shakes and it is such an easy breakfast) and then a work out. I'm going to have a shave and a shower now while the rest of the zoo are in the pool and then we are heading over to the outlaws for a BBQ and so I can *hopefully* install the set top box we bought them for Christmas. Sounds already like a day of organisation and willpower. Just need to squeeze in some expression and magic and day one will be a complete success.

I've being working off To Do lists for the last few days and it is going really well. Yesterday's one was almost all completed and I think this is fairly reasonable. I think it would be a little unrealistic if I completed EVERYTHING on my To Do List EVERY SINGLE DAY and it would also probably mean that I'm not setting very challenging To Do Lists. As long as it doesn't become demotivational then I think it's good. It helps me start a new list for the next day as well.

So, all is good and positive and happy and I am glad for the wonderful year that was 2008 and the even more wonderful year that will be 2009!

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Dreams

I've been very active in my dreams in the last four nights but the first two of these were the most intense. The other two have already all but faded from memory, so I will go back to the dream I had in the first of this lucid series.

In my dream I was reading the paper (which I make a habit not to do) and there was a story about a man having been sentenced to death by lethal injection. On reading the story I found that the man was a guy I used to go out with. I'll call him Leroy Brown for the sake of this entry. I was a bit shocked to read the article and there was an explanation of what he had done to be handed such a sentence, but I can't remember that any more.

The next thing I knew, I was with this Leroy Brown in my dream. He was wearing a white tunic thing like you wear in hospitals and he told me that he found a way to make the lethal injection not work straight away. He told me that it made him look like he was dead and the doctor has duly pronounced him so with the absence of any vital signs, but he had an arrangement with the porter and had woken and walked out of the hospital so he could come and see me.

Even in the dream I hadn't seen him for years, literally a lifetime between then and now. There was a very important reason that he had to come and see me and he explained it to me but it has also faded and the only recollection I have of that time of the dream is how he just wanted to be with me. How I had broken his heart and how he had toughened himself on the outside but how what he wanted more than anything else on his death bed was to just hold my hand again. Such romanticism was never a part of our reality but it quickly allayed the fears I'd had in my dreams of a walking love-zombie come back from the brink of death to spend his final hours with me. Insert ghoulish laughter here, I guess.

So, we spent time together and he explained what had happened as to why he had been sentenced to death, and it was fair and he wasn't trying to escape his punishment, only wanting to put it off for a few hours. I guess he must have kidnapped me in a sense but I ended up being a willing companion, but it was purely platonic, as they say. As a married woman or otherwise, snogging a zombie was beyond my personal boundaries of acceptable behaviour it would seem.

At the end of the dream it was very sad. There was some witch-doctor voice-over explaining how to tell me the secret of how he had postponed his death but it became very graphic with dismembered midsections being required to extract the antidote to the poison and there was a sense of futility as the only way to get the required midsection was from another victim of the same fate and thereby of no use as it was also poisoned.

Very weird.

The next night I had my usual recurring dream of betrayal in love. These dreams usually start around the time that I find out The Starchild has been unfaithful. There is usually a denial of "the facts" and then a full confession. At first I am numb and feeling like I will just have to accept it and then the anger sets in. I start to yell and flail my arms at him and he takes it because he deserves it but it doesn't change "the facts". I ask for details of who and where and when and eventually am told and it doesn't help my broken heart.

My screaming in my dream wakes me up and I am so surprised that I am not really screaming and am so convinced that I should be screaming that for a moment I almost will myself to lash out in wakefulness and continue my vocal anguish. Then I realise it was just a dream. And I tell myself that no matter how convincing my dream was, and no matter how many times I have different variations of the same theme, and no matter how plausible it might be, it just doesn't add up by the light of day.

I've worked out in the past that I often dream these dreams when I subconsciously feel The Starchild is neglecting me for the Virgo Nurse and the nine live cat with clipped wings. It was quite comforting to have drawn this conclusion. But that is definitely not how I am feeling now. So I am confused. And I even had questions on the tip of my tongue to ask. He gets up so early and is so clouded by sleep himself. I told him I had a bad dream and he said "I'm sorry" and I almost started screaming again for real then, but he couldn't have been sorry for the content of my dreams as he didn't know what they were. And I don't tell him about them anymore as I think it is unfair and insulting. He works so bloody hard and my stupid unconscious wants to torture me into thinking I am being neglected and betrayed in the worst way. Pffh to that, I say.

The next nights dream was about a market stall in the streets, I've had that one before as well. But I can't remember any more. And there is nothing about last nights one at all that I remember. I might be coming out of the lucid dream phase. It was over the new moon so I'll keep an eye on that.

Nothing else to report except that I'm feeling divine and like I will shine in 2009!

New Years Resolutions

Well, mayhaps not actual resolutions, am thinking more like buzz words as they're a little airy-fairy to be concrete goals or rules or whatever "resolutions" are supposed to be. I've had a million and one affirmations floating through my head but for the most part the words are:

* Organisation - I am an organised person professionally but as my personal life and my professional life are becoming inextricably intertwined, I need to practice living an organised life in a broader sense. Applying organisation - that's what 2009 needs to be about for me.

* Willpower - I can't say that I will never allow my willpower to falter but I will focus on building it up - the word power is there for a reason and I intend to increase that power and have a stronger resolve of my will. I'm bloody stubborn enough so I'm really doing myself an injustice not to practice being stubborn in terms of my willpower as well, me thinks.

* Expression - I've been doing more crafty things in the last year and I've really enjoyed it so I am making a conscious decision to invest in the aspect of me more this year. Oh, it's 11.11pm - what a wonderful time - I must be on the right track for that the be the time when I am writing this!

* Magic - I will also look for practical applications of magic - whether it is in meditation and mindfulness or in manifestation or in spell craft, it will all be part of my life in 2009. I am feeling a great ability to fulfill the obligations I have chosen and am very excited that this is part of me creating my future.

As I say, there are more things I will be making part of my life in 2009, but to practice organisation, willpower, expression and magic are key to the path I chose to take in 2009.

And Then Now

I wrote this poem in April 2008, at the commencement of my YAAD studies, but when transferring it into my BOS last night I thought it would be a nice poem to dedicate to you all for the passing of 2008 and the welcoming of 2009. It was originally entitled 'Where Bryn Begins' but I was fascinated by the last line of each stanza and so it was renamed for this publication...

AND THEN NOW…

Merry meet my merry eyes
that glance upon your face;
Merry meet my merry feet
that dance upon this place;
Merry meet my merry arms
that mirror you embrace;
And merry meet my merry lips
that nearer draw in space.

Merry meet me in the north
that lights the fire within;
Merry meet me in the west
that delights the earthen kin;
Merry meet me in the south
the air that warms my skin;
Then merry meet me in the east
where waters ends begin.

Merry meet my merry words
that memory retain;
Merry meet my merry heart
that ever will remain;
Merry meet our merry paths
that love and light contain;
Now merry meet and merry part
‘til we merry meet again.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

The Manifestation Mobile

After much cable-rearranging and de-dust-bunnying, I have successfully set up our new DVD player in the bedroom. If things go well for us this year, I would like to have a new telly, power point and aerial outlet installed as well. And while I'm on the wishful-thinking wagon - or should that be the manifestation mobile? - I'm about ready for new bedroom furniture as well: New bed (just the surround, I'm happy with our mattress), new side tables, new set of main drawers and a floating shelf for the DVD and video player.

Perfect Day and Beyond

This year was definitely the best Christmas ever. I didn't want it to end but if that had been the case then I wouldn't have had all of the other wonderful days since.

Christmas eve ended up being organised, despite my subconscious determination to do nothing. The Starchild made it down to visit the nine live cat with clipped wings and back without incident. He didn't end up having to do any other shopping and dropped Sister C at the outlaws on the way back home. The Virgo Nurse also finally made it here ok, despite a bit of traffic, and it was wonderful to have even one little addition to the zoo on Christmas night.

I woke around quarter to seven, had a shower and gathered the widdies for breakfast in preparation for an 8am arrival of the outlaws and Sister C. We all opened our Christmas presents together and despite being a one income family of five plus pets, thanks due mostly to the outlaws, there were loads of presents for the kids and absolutely everyone was exceptionally pleased with all of their gifts. The Bear and The Republic of K-land arrived just before 10 so there were more gifts and then preparations commenced in the kitchen. Big thanks to the Bear, who was invaluable and greatly appreciated, even though she tried to get out of helping by slicing her finger quite badly.

Blister in the San and Clan got very held up by traffic but arrived in the early afternoon, so there were more presents and then lunch! We had two tables end to end and a bench full of kids to accommodate everyone and it was just wonderful - so reminiscent of Christmas lunches as a kids on the Bear's side of the family.

The Starchild spent the bulk of the day assembling the smiley monster's new bike, then the trampoline and then starting on the swing set. He maintains that I was a big help, although I'm sure my biggest contribution was just in moral support at the right times (and at the right times only - tough gig but years of practice has greatly aided my judgment in these matters). We still have a fair bit of work to do in the yard but it is very cool having so many things for the kids to play with. We should probably have it all completed in time for the grandkiddies to enjoy *lol*

Everyone trickledfed out in the later afternoon with Blister in the San and her clan the last to leave. Spent some quality time with her and each of her kids and was very sad to see them go.

Other than that I have been very, very happy and cruisey and we finally have all of the toys away (although still some present wrapping remnants in our room) and better still even have all of the clothes folded and put away. Am turning my thoughts to 2009 but am feeling more open than decided on what I will / will not make the year into. We went to church today for the first time in months and it was good, although I found the sermon very objectionable on a personal level in regards to black and white dictatorial concepts of what opinions are and aren't acceptable in terms of enjoying church, including rehashes of the exact same items that were causing me concern on the last few times I was there. The idea that the only way to find oneself is through unconditional self-sacrifice is very unbalanced to my mind and the spiel about self-help being the wrong focus for life and ultimately harmful to the world, well, I just don't truck with that. It gave me a few thoughts for actions but I'll pray / meditate (substitute appropriate term depending on religious beliefs of audience - hmmm, I'm increasingly revisiting the peace I had with that and thinking I need to find equilibrium there again) on it and see how I feel after that. There were still some good messages about trials and how they can strengthen us or weaken us, and the quote was from the book of James so that was fairly pointed and got my (and The Starchild's) attention. Keeping an open mind, I guess.

No plans for New Years Eve yet. I've been strangely out of communication at the moment - not doing emails, text messages, or blogs, for a few days. Not sure where that is coming from but it seems to be necessary so I'll let it run it's course.

Overall, I'm really happy and contented. I love this time of year with the potential that the upcoming year promises and am feeling very blessed with my life at the moment, even though I still clearly have much to work on.
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