The Point

Again I have found
that trying to create balance
only creates a struggle.

Why is balance
so hard to achieve?

It's like
when I have some things
going well
I have to
push and push
elsewhere
until the whole house of cards
come crumbling down.

Hopefully
this will only
take me
a few steps backwards
and I can get on
with moving forwards.

I realise
that set backs
are part of life
butI still find myself
left wondering
what is the point.

Just Works

Day by day
things change
and I would have it
any other way.

Today is slow
lethargic
after more than
eleven hours sleep
yet I am still tired.

I haven't had less than
seven and a half hours sleep
every night
for the last week
and yet still I am tired.

Perhaps
I am relearning
the forgotten art
of sleeping in.

For now
I am just doing
what I think is best.

There is still
so much to do
and so little motivation
but bit by bit
I am working through
and I am truly blessed
by the most wonderful family
who
although the little ones are messy
and create so much work
they are loving
and affectionate
and are always happy
to give me hugs
whenever I need them
and to do everything they can
when I am sad
to make me happy.

They are
truly beautiful children
inside
and out.

And the starchild
is also troubled
but so so strong
when I am not
and is more and more
open to me
when I can be strong
for him.

Somehow
it just works.

This Day

Today has been
one of the worst days
for a while
particularly so
for the absence of any reason
for it to be such.

Panic.
Anxiety.
Overwhelm.

Physical symptoms
the unwelcome companion
to the rest of the shit
I just happen to be going through.

Tears.

Where are they?

Now
when I feel like crying
the tears
no longer fall
so I don't even get
the benefits
from their bitter sweet cleansing.

Tired.

Awake.

Aching.

Yet somehow
keeping on top
of the day
and therefore
not loosing too much ground
to be recovered
once I emerge
on the other side
of this day.