Within You

Something I have long pondered
and possibly even blogged
(but who knows)
is the illusion of relationships.

We
as human beings
are designed
to form relationships
but
by the nature of life
our relationships
almost never
last as long
as our individual lives.

As a result
we
as human beings
are therefore designed
to be able to overcome
the loss of any given relationship
no matter how deep
or how shallow.

That does not
however
mean we dont suffer
great pain
when we lose
a relationship.

Whether someone is taken from us
or whether we are discarded
doesn't really matter.

The end result is the same.

We are alone.

As we were made.

As we will end.

And so we must overcome
the loss
of a relationship
a friendship.

We can always hope
it is just temporary.

And we can always offer
love and support
from our side of the relationship
even if it is not wanted.

And we can always console ourselves
that these things
are often
more about the other person
than ourselves.

But from my point of view
my feelings didn't change
and I want to be there for you.

But at the moment
I just feel discarded
and I feel
like you never really meant
anything you said to me.

I know you must do
what you feel
is honouring your own truth
but I am still hurt
that you treated me as a friend -
what I thought was a real friend -
and at the moment
that seems not to count for anything.

So now
all I can do
is send you love
and hope that
whatever hurt
or misalignment
or whatever it is
that has brought you to this decision
and this action
heals within you.

Me Today

Why is my life so behind
when my mind races
a thousand million miles
ahead of where I am
at any given time.

This seems to create a state
of insynchronicity.

And it sucks.

But meanwhile,
back in my dreams,
there was an amazing house
that may not be everyone's cup of tea
that I fell in love with
and we negotiated to buy.

It felt nice there.

Other than that
my lesson to day
is that you can't find motivation -
you have to create it.

That is the biggest message
coming through\
for me today.