Friday, June 26, 2009

Quite Simply

In total gratitude for my sister...

Who listens,
without judgement.

Who gently puts forward choices and suggestions from the heart,
without "giving advice".

Who talks of her own dark times as if she's spent time in this same old crazy head of mine.

Who offers to jump in her car
and drive 2 hours
at 9 o'clock at night
to come all the way here
just to give me a hug.

Who cares,
without smothering.

Who understands who I am and who I'm not,
and who knows that I understand the same about her.

Who shows respect,
and even admiration,
without pity.

Who knows when to make me laugh,
and when to just cry along with me,
and when to get angry for me,
but without blame,
because it won't always be this way.

Who is my pragmatic twin
but my emotional opposite,
and yet we are perfectly balanced.

And who, quite simply, just loves me.

What Happened

I woke up yesterday morning after a respectable seven and a half hours sleep, feeling ok-ish but within about half an hour I was a crumpled heap on the kitchen floor. I have no idea why but it was so intense and I've never gone so deep so quickly before. My rational mind was trying to suggest things that I could do but there was a thundering roar shouting back at it to say I didn't want to make anything better, ever.

I put the oldest two kids on the bus to school for the first time, saving me about half an hour, and then took the smiley monster to care and was back in my jammies and in bed by 8.30am. I was cold all day, even with the electric blanket back on, which I only usually put on to warm the bed and then turn it off once I am in of a night. I didn't have anything to eat or drink all day and I wasn't hungry or thirsty at all. I slept more than five hours during the day and cried most of the rest of the time. I had to pick the kids up from school and take them to martial arts and it was horrible. I went to my room and lay on my bed in the cold and dark as soon as I got home with only the Kman visiting me from time to time to hug me and tell me he loved me. I was so grateful but also felt so guilty to make him witness to such a confusing and upsetting experience.

I slept another eight hours last night and feel like I could do it all again today, but the smiley monster is home so I won't be able to. I feel a million times more stable today, but am still shaken and tender from whatever the hell was going on with me yesterday and I still have no idea what happened.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Metaphor Monday

In the bicycle race of life, what is your chosen method of transport?

A Racer because the most important thing in the world is to be first to get where ever you're going?

A mountain bike because speed is important but so is being able to adapt to changing terrain?

A BMX because life is all about the hills, thrills and spills?

A motorised bike because there's no point in peddling if you don't have to?

A bike that has everything that is shiny and sparkly and is everything that a six year old princess dreams of because looks always win over practicality?

A custom built ride because you want to stand out from the crowd?

An electric bike because you care for the environment but don't want to exert yourself too much?

A tandem bike because you intend on sharing the road and the load with the gal/guy of your dreams?

A folding suitcase bike because you demand versatility and a bike that is as fast paced as your career?

A penny farthing because you believe that everything was made better in the good old days?

A tricycle because you never want to grow up and have to deal with all of that adult stuff?

Well, whatever you chose, make sure it is not an exercise bike because if you do then no matter how fast you peddle you'll just end up exhausted but will be exactly where you began.

Blessings To You All

Funny old day today. The Starchild took the impossible princess to her mid-year dancing performance while I stayed home with my other two boys. No church today - I just couldn't bear it with the smiley monster, and I REALLY felt like a lazy Sunday at home with the rain.

And that's what I got. I have successfully stayed in my pyjamas all day and have still achieved. Bejelewed Blitz on Facebook is NOT my friend! I stayed up until 2.30am playing it yesterday/this morning and was at it again most of today - even tag teaming with The Starchild after he came home from the dancing performance. I do believe I have kicked the obsession by embracing it passionately. Funny beasts, we are, the obsessive natured souls among us.

Speaking of obsessive - is it going too far to vacuum your vacuum cleaner? I surely wasn't referring to Bejeweled Blitz when I said I had achieved today: I also vacuumed the house like a demon possessed - including the nozzles and attachments for the vacuum cleaner itself. I gave the smiley monster a hair cut - and he is now even cuter than he was when he was a cute little boy with girl hair as was the case before his haircut - tried to talk Kman into letting me cut his hair so he no longer looks like Zac Efron (from High School Musical for all those of you who don't have a girl between the ages of 5 and 13), played with the dog instead of giving her a much-needed bath and generally pottered and tidied up around the place. I successfully ignored finishing off the folding of the clothes and am up to date with all of my electronic communications and tasks.

So, life is good. I am good. Facebook is good but I'm over Bejeweled Blitz. Southern hemisphere Yule-tide blessings to you all.