Yes, the dreams are back. In all truth I love them although I am worried by some of them at the same time. They often contain very dramatic scenes on a particular theme. Not every time but fairly often. I am most concerned as I just do not believe these dreams are literal; it just doesn't fit with my reality, but still they recur. Obviously I am not getting the point, that is why I keep having these dreams. Either I am taking them too literally or I am not taking them literally enough. I hope that I do and that I don't find out which is which soon enough. Does that make sense?
And I have been thinking about how much I mistreat myself sometimes. Is this something that we all do? Nothing too serious but certainly taking conscious and repeat actions towards self-sabotage. I am trying. Trying, in fact, more than I have ever tried in my life. But my destructive actions seem to be as intense as my productive actions. Is this some sort of crazy-assed natural equilibrium nonsense within the universe? Actually, I think I know the reason. I think I am meant to learn something and only then will I be able to move forward on the self-improvement aspects that I am seeking. In truth, I don't deserve these rewards yet. I am willing to put in some of the hard work, but not all of it, and until I find my key to unlocking and releasing my true, unique self, I will not be able to resist and implement the willpower that I can exercise sometimes but not others.
It's interesting to note when my willpower is at it's lowest ebb, and that is from about a week before my monthly cycle. At these times I LOOOOVEEE chocolate, and wine and spicy food. What is that? It hasn't always been the way but it is something I am very aware of at the minute.
I really wish that I could find my key. I see that when I meditate and when I get enough sleep I am achieving much more these days then when I used to do these things and I take this as a definite sign of progress. I also think that I have made a lot of 'background' progress and that all I have to do is now act on it and I will be able to tap into the secrets I am starting to unlock. It's like I know the theory but I still struggle to put it into practice. This was one of the main reasons I really wanted to do YAAD and I have progressed a little in this respect but not as much as I would have thought. I guess that is something that is actually entirely up to me to make happen or not though.
Thinking about a lot of things again tonight.
Have finally set up wireless at home so am enjoying the luxury of being online while co-existing with the family. The Starchild and the smiley monster are in Sydney tonight visiting the Virgo Nurse and the cat of nine lives with clipped wings. I am hosting a junk-food dinner of chips and chocolate with Kman and the impossible princess while watching The Dark Crystal. Yes, such an old movie but we are all enjoying it. I will be lonely tonight once the widdies go to bed but I will still have lots to do to keep my occupied, as always. Have lots of fantastic blogs to catch up on and am looking forward to that, so expect a few comments to be coming your way - apologies if they are for posts that are a few days old.
I am also still thinking about the thing I am feeling drawn to do even though I know it will be a huge step out of my comfort zone so I really do and don't want to do it at the same time. Life is a challenge but it is good.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Thinking About ...
Thinking about Helen and her family with the birth of their baby girl.
Thinking about another wonderful phone call from Odin last night.
Thinking about whether the depositories for all of the books, songs, movies, TV shows etc etc that are constantly being produced will ever be completely full.
Thinking about how I managed to finish and send the overdue BAS, make several work-related phone calls, watch 2 hours of TV, meditate, research industry superannuation funds, send some emails, catch up on my f/b messages, do a little recreational reading, finish folding and putting away the clothes, have the family room, kitchen, dining room, lounge room and toy room all tidy, pick up the kids from school, organise school notes, homework and general after-school chores, organise feeding of the chooks and lorrikeets, have dinner on the table when The Starchild got home, shower kids, attend a "daddy, thank you for being our daddy party" that the impossible princess organised in the family room, exercise and also fit in an afternoon nap when some days I struggle to put away the breakfast dishes.
Thinking about doing it all again tomorrow.
Thinking about the bridge collapse at Maitland and being glad that I was too busy to go out to Rutherford as I had planned today and that The Starchild had re-arranged his work yesterday to do his Maitland drops then instead of today which meant that neither of us were in the area when it would have been entirely feasibly for either of us to be there around the time it happened.
Thinking about how wonderful it was to have every window and door in the house open today and knowing that the days to do that this season are becoming fewer and fewer.
Thinking about the feeling that I have forgotten something.
Thinking about the return of the vivid dreams last night that came for three weeks straight until I successfully drowned them with six bottles of wine in the previous week.
Thinking about DV terminals.
Thinking about three copies of the same bank statement in different names.
Thinking about the tea lady.
Thinking about church on Sunday and whether I will decide to do the thing I seem to be captivated with and terrified of at the same time.
Thinking about sleep.
Good night.
Thinking about another wonderful phone call from Odin last night.
Thinking about whether the depositories for all of the books, songs, movies, TV shows etc etc that are constantly being produced will ever be completely full.
Thinking about how I managed to finish and send the overdue BAS, make several work-related phone calls, watch 2 hours of TV, meditate, research industry superannuation funds, send some emails, catch up on my f/b messages, do a little recreational reading, finish folding and putting away the clothes, have the family room, kitchen, dining room, lounge room and toy room all tidy, pick up the kids from school, organise school notes, homework and general after-school chores, organise feeding of the chooks and lorrikeets, have dinner on the table when The Starchild got home, shower kids, attend a "daddy, thank you for being our daddy party" that the impossible princess organised in the family room, exercise and also fit in an afternoon nap when some days I struggle to put away the breakfast dishes.
Thinking about doing it all again tomorrow.
Thinking about the bridge collapse at Maitland and being glad that I was too busy to go out to Rutherford as I had planned today and that The Starchild had re-arranged his work yesterday to do his Maitland drops then instead of today which meant that neither of us were in the area when it would have been entirely feasibly for either of us to be there around the time it happened.
Thinking about how wonderful it was to have every window and door in the house open today and knowing that the days to do that this season are becoming fewer and fewer.
Thinking about the feeling that I have forgotten something.
Thinking about the return of the vivid dreams last night that came for three weeks straight until I successfully drowned them with six bottles of wine in the previous week.
Thinking about DV terminals.
Thinking about three copies of the same bank statement in different names.
Thinking about the tea lady.
Thinking about church on Sunday and whether I will decide to do the thing I seem to be captivated with and terrified of at the same time.
Thinking about sleep.
Good night.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
10th Wedding Anniversary Accomodation Photos
Saturday the 28th of February was the 10th anniversary of the day The Starchild and I were married. We were able to arrange for my mum to stay at our house overnight to look after the kids a few weeks ago but were having trouble booking accommodation due to a number of factors, most notably because we wanted something that was really special, available for the one night of our anniversary and that we could afford. Not an easy combination I can assure you.
Being fervent supporters of the JIT (Just In Time) delivery method / supply chain solution, we ended up securing our booking on the Wednesday immediately beforehand. The place looked fabulous on the net and we were not disappointed when we were there. I thought I'd share some of the photos.
We stayed at a place called Clarendon Forest Retreat about 15km from Taree as the crow flies. After travelling down a long dirt road with the noticeable absence of helpful signage or directions along the way, we finally found what we were looking for:
Unfortunately we didn't have time for horse riding and I'd have been hard pressed to get The Starchild on a horse anyway but we are planning on going back with the kids so two of them will join me then I'm sure.
Clarendon consists of a number of cottages; we stayed in The Summer House.
The stained glass over the door also boasts the name of the cottage:
This was the view of the front veranda:
And this was the view from the front veranda:
The ceilings inside were amazing...
...as were all of the fittings and fixtures throughout.
The lounge area was a perfect size for two people.
Although it was too hot for the fire, how inviting does it look anyway?
This is a view of the lounge area from further back in the dining area:
And here is a full view of the beautiful dining setting:
From the other angle you can see up to the "loft bedroom":
Which looked more like this from close up:
And if all of that wasn't nice enough, here is the bathing area which was in a little alcove off from the lounge area:
With separate WC:
But the pièce de résistance was the sunken spa!
Ahhhh, luxury.
This was my offering for the guest book:
So, all in all it was a lovely weekend and a fantastic way to celebrate our special anniversary.
Being fervent supporters of the JIT (Just In Time) delivery method / supply chain solution, we ended up securing our booking on the Wednesday immediately beforehand. The place looked fabulous on the net and we were not disappointed when we were there. I thought I'd share some of the photos.
We stayed at a place called Clarendon Forest Retreat about 15km from Taree as the crow flies. After travelling down a long dirt road with the noticeable absence of helpful signage or directions along the way, we finally found what we were looking for:
Unfortunately we didn't have time for horse riding and I'd have been hard pressed to get The Starchild on a horse anyway but we are planning on going back with the kids so two of them will join me then I'm sure.
Clarendon consists of a number of cottages; we stayed in The Summer House.
The stained glass over the door also boasts the name of the cottage:
This was the view of the front veranda:
And this was the view from the front veranda:
The ceilings inside were amazing...
...as were all of the fittings and fixtures throughout.
The lounge area was a perfect size for two people.
Although it was too hot for the fire, how inviting does it look anyway?
This is a view of the lounge area from further back in the dining area:
And here is a full view of the beautiful dining setting:
From the other angle you can see up to the "loft bedroom":
Which looked more like this from close up:
And if all of that wasn't nice enough, here is the bathing area which was in a little alcove off from the lounge area:
With separate WC:
But the pièce de résistance was the sunken spa!
Ahhhh, luxury.
This was my offering for the guest book:
For all that may walk through this door
And hold the beauty here enthrall
Know that here you came by grace
And here may all you have embrace
Whether past or present now
With gladly smile or furrowed brow
Of wine or song or friend anew
That within your heart is true
Be here today, tomorrow gone
A sorrow sweet of both way torn
That we could go and yet to stay
And in our heart we know we may
For memories with us always be
And here we leave our energy.
And hold the beauty here enthrall
Know that here you came by grace
And here may all you have embrace
Whether past or present now
With gladly smile or furrowed brow
Of wine or song or friend anew
That within your heart is true
Be here today, tomorrow gone
A sorrow sweet of both way torn
That we could go and yet to stay
And in our heart we know we may
For memories with us always be
And here we leave our energy.
So, all in all it was a lovely weekend and a fantastic way to celebrate our special anniversary.
The Divine In The Mundane
Zone Swimming Carnival for Kman tomorrow (which is technically today but with a sleep in between now and then - hopefully). Not looking forward to going to unfamiliar location with metered parking, limited seating and potentially no shade all day but proud as punch that my first born golden haired scientist child is actually representing his school at an event requiring physical activity - AND he has apparently been selected for two relay events where mostly they would only be selected in one.
Now, the empathetic anticipatory crash and burn fear is starting to take hold in me, but in my eyes he is already a winner and I know that he is also very proud of himself so it's all good.
Hmmm, a frog just jumped on my window (the window, the window, the second story window - yes, in all seriousness, I'm upstairs at the minute). Here's a photo of the little guy:
Got a phone call from my old boss today. Somewhat interesting but also not.
But the big thing for today was seeing all of the amazing solitaire projects. Most of the items we were given seemed to be about the same with just a few differences from what I can tell but the variety in the finished projects was astounding. I am just blown away by all of the beautiful and interesting work showcasing the talent, imagination and skill of my sisters that has been inspired by just a few simple and for the most part fairly unrelated items. The finished products are all so amazingly good though. I really had fun making mine and plan to blog about it with pics of course, but not tonight *yawns*
So, good night blog land. Wish my Kman good luck for his swimming carnival and may you all have the most blessed of days with many opportunities to bask in the glory of all you are through even the smallest of reminders of the divine in the mundane through our existence.
Now, the empathetic anticipatory crash and burn fear is starting to take hold in me, but in my eyes he is already a winner and I know that he is also very proud of himself so it's all good.
Hmmm, a frog just jumped on my window (the window, the window, the second story window - yes, in all seriousness, I'm upstairs at the minute). Here's a photo of the little guy:
Got a phone call from my old boss today. Somewhat interesting but also not.
But the big thing for today was seeing all of the amazing solitaire projects. Most of the items we were given seemed to be about the same with just a few differences from what I can tell but the variety in the finished projects was astounding. I am just blown away by all of the beautiful and interesting work showcasing the talent, imagination and skill of my sisters that has been inspired by just a few simple and for the most part fairly unrelated items. The finished products are all so amazingly good though. I really had fun making mine and plan to blog about it with pics of course, but not tonight *yawns*
So, good night blog land. Wish my Kman good luck for his swimming carnival and may you all have the most blessed of days with many opportunities to bask in the glory of all you are through even the smallest of reminders of the divine in the mundane through our existence.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
I'm Late, I'm Late, For A Very Important Date
...namely, 28th February - second quarter 2008/09 BAS due. Oh, I suck at this already!
But, on a more positive note, 28th February was the 10th Wedding Anniversary for The Starchild and I. We had a wonderful night away and I will post some pictures in the near future. Once I get the BAS sorted most likely. Maybe. I hope...
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