My nine year old son sometimes empties the kitchen bins for me when I ask. He is usually chatty and content throughout this task and I am as grateful for his pleasant attitude as I am for the physical help. My step-son used to empty the bins when asked but always begrudgingly so I think about how much of the differences between the two are due to the individuals themselves and how much are due to the treatment and reactions of those around them. It is true that I am a much different person that I was ten years ago - aren't we all? So, now, I make a point of telling my son with all sincerity how much I appreciate his help; I'm sure I used to say thank you to my step-son when he helped but I'm also sure that in my heart I was hurt and angry at his attitude so perhaps my words reflected my feelings more than I realised at the time.
We can't change the past, but we can learn from it, I guess.