Saturday, January 9, 2010

A Lot More

Just a few things to mention.

On Tuesday night, I didn't sleep a wink. I went to bed a little after 11, read for a bit and then completely failed to sleep. I gave up around 2.30am and went downstairs to do some business paperwork. I'd had some Cottage stuff whirling round me head but nothing to really keep me awake yet awake I was. I have never had a night like that in mt life before.

In the morning I felt fine - a little crazy but it was fun-crazy and completely in control. I took the kids horseriding. It was so much hard work but it was fantastic. I "napped" for five hours, got up to dinner, then went back to bed a little after ten. Snoozed the 6.07am alarm a couple of times; still trying to catch up today but phone kept ringing so no rest for the wicked it would seem.

Next day was kiddie play time at the pools with friends and a good time was had by all.

Today was nothing day.

Bones is still with us. I'm liking having him here more and more. He's getting the whole see a need, fill a need thing a little more and he is a really nice guy. Smart, funny, social, easy going. He brings a whole new dynamic to the house and I know I am a huge variable from day to day but he just tries to hard to make things amicable and I really quite like having him here in a lot of ways. For one who likes my space so much, this is a really huge thing. He's going late next week, and the K-man is going with him for a few days, then back to go off to camp, but I think I will cope. Maybe. Just.

Caught up with an old school friend on facebook this week. Have now realised the all but one of my best friends throughout my school life has spent serious and meaningful time with a same-sex partner. Funny that the only other one was the one who I ended up in a few precarious situations with in terms of wild, teen-aged experimentation but the rest took it all a step further, some long term acceptance of themselves and their partners. When you think of all the times you sleep in the same bed and get dressed in front of one another at that age, it can be a little confronting but I think I am ok with it. I guess in a way it's like I wish I had've known but I guess they didn't know then either.

But I seem to be catching up with random people a lot this week and am really enjoying it. Apart from that, my best friend is moving to Mudgee. My tarot card for today is Death and I am sad to think that this relates to our best-friend-ship but that has been the main thing that today has been about. Tomorrow she leaves. The Starchild is helping move and I wish I could go with them. We will be in touch and she may be back in 12 months but for now it is an ending and I am bitter-sweet in my thoughts about all of the other many social contacts I have enjoyed recently thinking they are partly filling the void that will be left but it is not really a complete end, just a transformation of how the friendship will interact from here on. I hope that to be the case anyway but will need to forge my own path in the mean time.

I bought a four minute timer for the shower and me, the 20 minute shower minimum Queen, is actually embracing it. I am finding myself racing to get out with as many grains to spare as possible. I don't think it does anything on a grand scale but at least it means that I am living a reasonably temperate lifestyle, which seems to be important to my cards as well.

I am also thinking more about the two sides to my life - or is that three? I have my Christian friends, my Wiccan friends and my all encompassing friends. My Christian friends are the only ones I feel I need to protect from putting themselves in positions of judgement of my other friends but it is my Wiccan friends whom I feel to be more liberated about sharing their beliefs - and mine - in a way that would not settle well with others. I have a birthday coming up and I would like nothing more than a nice get together of all of my friends, trans-religious beliefs, but I am sad that I don't believe that will be possible. I am thinking about this a lot lately and really feeling sad about not being able to outwardly be who I am inwardly. If I avoid labels then it all works well as the concepts seem to gel nicely but the reality is that labels help human beings understand and that is the only way some people can operate. I will need to think on this a lot more.

1 comment:

angela said...

its funny but I found a friend form high school on facebook, and have found out about his sexuality. I kinda always knew but to find out for sure after all these years was alittle of a shock.
Maybe thats what 2010 will be all about,"" revealing the truth""