And Support

Looking at some of my past posts
I am even more grateful
for what they gave me at the time
in helping me to work through things
and also for what they are giving me now
which is clarity and affirmation.

Something that I have felt
in a much greater sense than normal
is how every experience you go through
becomes a resource that is available
in your present and your future.

Now I am seeing
why I have been given that message
so strongly
as now
I have worked through some
seemingly impossible lows
and I know there will be more to come
but those lows
have been preparation
for today
so that I can make the decision
that I have been avoiding
for far too long
but which I felt at the beginning of this year
I would make soon.

Well, now is soon enough.

So, the time has come, the Walrus said
to speak of other things.

And while I think that speaking of other things
seems like further avoidance
and also seems like
ignoring my own advice to seek support when I need it
I believe at the moment that it is necessary
and the best option
and I know that I will still seek support when I need it
but in this moment
the things I need to do
are things that only I can do
and I know that I am not alone
and I am grateful and content in that knowledge
because being independant
is not living in a tower alone
it is building the tower
that you choose to live in
and inviting those you love
and whose energy is good and healthy to be near
and who live in their own towers nearby
to come and visit you in your tower
and to build a sense of community
where we can all stand alone
yet at the same time stand as one
in a city of individual towers.

So, I'm building my tower now
have been, in fact, for some time now.

And it is not the best tower
but it is my tower
and I will honour it
as it will honour me
in strength
and silence
and solitude
and support.