Friday, July 2, 2010

A Wonderful Thing

Six months ago
I wasn't ready
for this outcome.

The entire possibility
seemed so entirely impossible
but it became
very much a reality
very quickly
and for some
just too, too much.

But as heartbreaking a journey
this has been
for me
and for many whom I love dearly
my pragmatic side
is well and truly
in gear
and I am seeing
once again
the present
for what it is.

Necessary.

A strength to build upon.
The right time.

A new beginning.
Positive progress.
The reason and sense to all our yesterdays.

And as much as I
as well as many others I'm sure
wish it were different
the fact is
that it is not.

Could is have been different?
Absolutely!

But should it have been different?
No way.

When I look back
at the ages
and stages
and phases
of my life
and see the last few years
and the many
many
many
journeys I have been experiencing
and then I compare those
to the one I have been on
just in the last six month
when I have had to choose
to work towards
what so many times
seemed like an impossibility
and when my faith waned
my resolved strengthen
not because I thought
what I was doing
would effect the outcome
but because I was doing
what I believed in
and what I believe in still
regardless of the outcome
and even when questioning faith
I was still acting on my choices
and where there was little else
to have faith in
having faith in my own resolve.

And I can now say
that I have done all I could do
and so have you
and that is a wonderful thing
and should be rejoiced
not mourned
and we should be grateful
and I know you are
and I want you to know
that I am, too.

But truth be told
I am tired.

I am so tired
in so many aspects of my life
and there are some that I just have to
keep juggling
but this one
I now know
after the last few years
of training and study
that I can still juggle
but with much more
flexible boundaries
and I am still worried
that I will fail
but less worried
than I have been in the past
because these last few years
and particularly these last six months
have proven to me
what I had lost faith in
after years and years
of travelling
just a few feet off my true path
and that is
that I can choose.

So, today I choose
support
loyalty
friendship
to you
and to me
and while I may not be able to do that for you
exactly how you need me to
that means I can also recognise
that sometimes you may not be able to do that for me
exactly how I need you to
and through that
I see
that we are
truly
doing the best we can
and that is
truly
a wonderful thing.

4 comments:

Lisa said...

i love you xx

Rob-bear said...

Sounds like a challenging transformation, but that you're maybe not entirely sure about some aspects.

But I'm guessing. Everything you write is so cryptic.

Blessed be.

Wendy said...

Thank you, Lisa, likewise ♥

Oh, Rob-bear - cryptic? Moi? Surely you jest! No, seriously, this is just a snap-shot, I'm not sure if it makes sense to me let alone the rest of the world. Thanks for reading tho, and, yes, it definitely is a challenging transformation but I'm looking forward to taking on the next phase ☺

Lisa said...

try hard to SOMETHING on Saturday night to take advantage of the energies of now.......its very important for us who are feeling the demise of RC.

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