Wednesday, September 22, 2010

That I Do

Have a "feeling" day today
where I am just coming out
and saying what I feel.

Look out world;
this is never a pretty process.

Everything from selfish, bullying drivers
to lovely, aging ladies who are trying to lead others in outdated and useless processes
are the focus of my verbalisations at the moment.

This is not to say that I am walking around abusing people
no, that is not what I do
but certainly biting my tongue is not what I do today either
not bowing graciously in silence when precious time and effort
is wasted when it could be much better utilised
through simple communication
and organisation.

So, that is me today
and it kind of feels good to feel
but I do realise
that I have a tendency to upset the apple cart at these times
and that when I feel I have been playing a role
that isn't me and I get to the whole crucible stage
rather than managing things step by step as they occur
then I'm really no fun at all for anyone else.

The other thing
perhaps separate
perhaps very much related
is that I have not slept well the last few nights
but without normal reason or cause
and have been very disconcerted
by the many, many energies around me
to the point where this morning
a voice woke me up
she told me "something"
just one or two words
and I think she counted to three
or was it from three to one?
and it wasn't like it was a dream
and it didn't feel like I was in a hypergognic state
it felt like she was standing next to the bed
actually saying whatever it was she said
and it wasn't worrying
if anything I had a sense of an explanation
like what she said made sense
and the problems sleeping made sense
but now I can't remember what she said.

So I have been very carefully and diligently
cleansing the energy around me
and creating a layer of protection around me
but am still feeling
so maybe I'm meant to be feel more
maybe that's what this is about.

Oh, who knows
I'm just going to have to
work with it
day by day
and seek progress
in all that I do.


Lisa said...

sometimes it feels like life is a tunnel with a peep hole every 100 km or so and stop signs and give way signs sprinkled here and there. Sometimes the roundabouts help us move smoothly through the tunnel and other times,we get caught in a five car pile up; either way, it is all part of the life tunnel.
every time I see or read you, i feel so protective of you and that comes with all the love I have.
Stay true to you Wendy- after the worst 18 months of my life, I am left with four words 'stay true to you'

hope we can catch up soon
Lisa xx

Rob-bear said...

If you haven't been sleeping, your perceptions will likely be messed up a bit.

Good luck in sorting things out.