My Reality

I know
you mess with my head
but I still
after all these years
don't know
if you mean to or not.

Once foes
now careful allies
maybe even friends
how ever things were
and
how ever things are
it is good
healthy even
to be able to
honestly
truly
put aside
all of the hurt
betrayal
doubt
and just enjoy
one another's company.

Even so
you always seem to say
something
that keeps me wondering
and opens me to the mystery
that is your past
and makes me think about
how much of that
I should let in.

There are so many times
where you have
completely and utterly
summed me up
without the sugar coating
and again you do that for me
and I seem to learn from it
in a positive way
in the face of
negative words.

And never do I
take offence
to what you say
about me
but it is the things you say
about others
the ones I love
on whose authority
can you speak
and say the things you do
that leave me wondering
and leave me second guessing
your motives
their motives
and even my motives
by the way you look at things
and the things you say
that mess with my mind
even after all these years.

I've said it before
and I'll say it again:
family is a strange beast
and it is one that extends
beyond the blood lines
to those we give passage-way
into our lives
directly
or by proxy.

Any you are in mine
and it has been so
so
so
painful at times
but the pain seems to have gone now
and I am ready
to learn the lesson
and take that lesson
into the next phase
which I can feel building
and forcing it's momentum
into my reality.