They are all merging into one.
One elastic existance
stretched so tight
that it has lost all elasticity.
Yet somehow completely stagnant.
I am just one of a million
in the eternal question of life.
amongst all this
I have a feeling
that these are truly
the best days of my life.
My children are happy, healthy and adore me as much as they know I adore them.
My marriage is overflowing with love, support and connectedness.
My home is comfortable and is being paid off.
My friends are true blessings.
I have work.
I have food.
I have heat.
I have clothes.
I have many luxuries and many reasons to live.
It's hard to work out where my head is at
when I know these things
and I feel them
and I really do experience profound love and happiness
but sometimes I am just sad beyond sad.
I don't need a reason.
I don't need an explanation.
I just need some sort of consistency.
Some sort of logic.
Some motivation to keep going
that I feel in my heart
to support what I already know in my head.
I still believe this will come.
And I want to believe.