Wednesday, June 8, 2011

I Want To Believe

Good days.

Bad days.

They are all merging into one.

One elastic existance
stretched so tight
that it has lost all elasticity.



Yet somehow completely stagnant.

I am just one of a million
in the eternal question of life.

amongst all this
I have a feeling
that these are truly
the best days of my life.

My children are happy, healthy and adore me as much as they know I adore them.

My marriage is overflowing with love, support and connectedness.

My home is comfortable and is being paid off.

My friends are true blessings.

I have work.

I have food.

I have heat.

I have clothes.

I have many luxuries and many reasons to live.

It's hard to work out where my head is at
when I know these things
and I feel them
and I really do experience profound love and happiness
but sometimes I am just sad beyond sad.

I don't need a reason.

I don't need an explanation.

I just need some sort of consistency.

Some sort of logic.

Some motivation to keep going
that I feel in my heart
to support what I already know in my head.

I still believe this will come.

And I want to believe.

1 comment:

Rob-bear said...

Seems to me that you already believe. (You can trust the Bear on this.)