Sunday, June 30, 2013

Easily Ruptured

It's been you all along
And now you have lost your hold
Your position of power
You can see
That yours was a tower of cards
That was built on ego
That rejected love
And as your tower falls
And you are left with nothing
Within the hollow chambers of your heart
Because you shut everyone else out.

It was your doing
Your choice
You wanted to protect
Your sick
Regardless of who you hurt
And now your chickens
Are coming home to roost
And you speak
When you used to be silent.

The still waters
That run so deep
Are dark
And malice filled
And when you speak
You are showing others
What I have seen
All these years
And it's not very nice.

And that's exactly
Who you are.

I thought I was mad.

I thought I had it wrong.

I thought I was unfair.

But it was you
And your twisted
To be everything
To someone
Who did everything
But who has to go on
Without you
And you have grown
Because that is how the world works.

But not in your head.

In your head
You were all
That he needed.

But that's not right.
That's not natural.
That's not fair.

But that didn't stop
Your childish
That still
After all these years
Can't see anything
From anyone else's point of view.

That's not fair.

You're not fair.

Your words hurt.

But at least they have finally been said
And what I have seen
Is now being seen by others.

And even though
They will forgive you
I will not.

You don't seek forgiveness
Because in your eyes
You are perfect
When in reality
No one is perfect
And it would be laughable
Except that you have hurt
Those who have done more for you
That anyone else in the world.

Blood or not
You only offer rejection.

I would pity
Your sickness
But I am to hurt
And you are old enough
To know better
But you choose to hold onto anger
And that prevents you from seeing
The sacrifices that were made for you
Without any need
For anything in return
But this is too much.

I can't keep giving
When getting kicked in the teeth.

This cuts to deep
For me to forgive
When no responsibility is accepted.

I can't keep
Putting myself out there.

You may not have grown up
But there are only 10 years between us
And I have grown up
And you are as dead to my present
As a stranger
Because that is the only way
I can look at you
And move forward
When you are beyond selfish.

You are hurtful.

You are spiteful.

You are passive aggressive.

And I finally respect myself enough
To reject your twisted reality
That wants everything
But without  acknowledgement
Of how our why you have it.

I wish it were different.

My heart is big enough
To embrace all you are
But it is not strong enough
To not be effected by your distasteful
And offensive selfishness
And so I end it.

You will always be in my life
But my life lesson
For having you in my life
Is to stand strong
And not let your particular brand of crazy
Destabilise all I have built.

I am not codependant.

I am not pathetic.

And I will no longer be
Your source of amusement
And sadistic pleasure
When I am not afraid to show
That I am human.

When I'm cut
I bleed
But bleeding stops eventually
And the scar tissue
Is Not as easily ruptured.

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