Looking After Me

Yesterday
was a reminder
of God's placement and timing.

This is something I often think about
but yesterday gave me
a very powerful
message
on the difference
that a change of 30 seconds
either faster or slower
could make in your life.

Yesterday
I saw something
that I think we all know
and exist with every day
but easily come complacent about
and take for granted
because to do otherwise
would be to live in complete fear
and an absence of faith and trust in God
which is not how we are meant to live.

Yesterday
I clearly saw before
the string of events behind me
the choices I made
and the realisation that these choices
seemed even at the time
to be much more conscious
than normal
and which placed me
in exactly the right position
at exactly the right moment
to make a very point
that was potentially horrendous
but which turned out to be
nothing more than inconvenient.

Yesterday
I saw that when I chose to stop and get petrol when I did
it was part of the workings of this lesson
and when I chose the activities for the day
the visits
the chats
the speed
the lane changes
all of it was to make sure
I was in the exact place that I was
when I was.

Yesterday
I was grateful that I was 100% in the right
and that no one was seriously hurt
and that only the necessary people were involved
and that there were no darker sides of human personalities displayed
and that I have friends who I can call on at a moments notice who can support me in the face of any changes.

Yesterday
I was travelling on the highway at about 80kms
when someone a few cars ahead
chose to attempt a u-turn at a break in the road that is clearly posted no u-turn
due to the the bend in the road and the crest of the hill and the 90km speed limit
and I slowed when I saw their brake lights
and I slammed on my brakes when I saw that they had actually stopped in the right hand lane at this stupidly dangerous place
but then the cars in front started moving again
and were going to move enough for me not to hit them
and then I didn't hit them
but then I looked in my rear vision
and saw the young red p-plate girl who was behind me
who had just been through the same revelations as I had moments before
but will less time as she came upon them closer to the exit of the turn
and with me closer to her than the cars in front were to me
and then she hit me
and I remember being flung forward
and back
and forward
and still seeing that I wasn't going to hit anyone
and looking up at her in my rear
and seeing her car skid to the left into part of the other lane
and seeing behind her that no one was going to hit her
and stopping my car
and checking that she was ok
and realising that I was ok
and moving the cars off the road
and thanking God that no one was hurt
and because it could have been so much worse
in the blink of an eye
with the smallest change in choices
but it wasn't
and for that I am grateful.

Yesterday
with a change of 30 seconds
someone could have been seriously injured
or they could have died
of the whole thing might never have happened
but then I wouldn't have learnt the lessons
of yesterday.

Not all lessons are that dramatic
but our todays and yesterdays are filled with them
and they are all available for us to learn from
and I am so grateful that I am reminded of that
as I have been reminded so many times before
which are all currently at the forefront of my mind
powerfully
but with the knowledge that God is in control
and is looking after me.

When You Find It

Sometimes I am lost
and sometimes I am found;
I believe this is true of everyone at some point.

Today, I am found.

We often ask for signs,
some of us
more often than others,
but we also often
fail to see them when they are delivered.

Our heads
and our hearts
are in constant conflict.

This world makes us strive towards the practical
but
it makes us think
that the practical
is mutually exclusive
with the inspirational
and it is the inspirational
that is the reason for our existence
so there is no reason
why we can't make it
practical as well.

We can make anything happen.

So many times
have improbable things
seemed like
impossible things,
but
there is a
huge
huge
huge
difference
between improbable
and impossible.

Science tries to dictate the rules of life,
but life exists
whether science can explain it
or not.

We should always try to understand
more and more
about life
and the natural laws
of creation
but we should never allow
our current understanding
to limit
the potential for
our future understanding.

There are things
we cannot explain.

Some of them we believe,
some of them we don't.

But before we decide
we should practice
being open
to the possibilities.

Look for more
and you will find it.

Look for good
and you will find it.

Look for love
and you will find it.

Are you conscious
of what you are looking for?

And are you ready
when you find it?

Recovery

This year again proves to be a year of surprises.

I seem to be
finding
more and more ways
to be me.

Ways that have always been
but all of a sudden
become immediate
and I have to do them
in order to feel
like I am
honouring myself.

Today was one of those days.

A thought popped into my head
maybe a week ago
or maybe it was a lifetime ago
one that I have had a
love/hate relationship with
for as long as I can remember;
in hindsight,
perhaps that was because
it was always going to be
and now that it is
it feels so good
so empowering
and so right.

Surely I am overreacting.

Whatever the case
I felt the feeling
then I got the sign
then I took the action
and I am me
and that makes me a force to be reckoned with.

Yes, I am definitely overreacting.

But me I am
and
I am me
and I have been walking around
with a smile
like the cat who got the cream.

I am inwardly
and outwardly
so pleased
about something so common
but the timing is so right
as to make it
so special
for me
and that makes me happy.

But at the same time
it is also so sad
that at such strong time
I am so acutely aware
of friends
who feel
like strength
is a mere echo
of a memory
in the fleeting
hallows
of a struggle
that is more real
than any reality ever known
forever and ever
because it is their reality now
and no-one
can ever underestimate that.

So to my friends,
I have you in my prayers
and in my thoughts
and in my heart.

I love you
just for who you are
and I don't know
how this will
evolve
but
evolve it will
and my positive energy
is at work
and may the strength
I am feeling just for this afternoon
serve to charge
your needs
and be part
of your recovery.