Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Struggling

I'm struggling a lot with church at the minute. I have found a really good level of peace being essentially a Wiccan who moves in Christian circles (albeit guardedly in terms of labels whilst very open about my core values and beliefs amongst my Christian friends) and I love our church but am struggling with the sermons from our current pastor. He's only fairly young (early thirties) and is an entertaining speaker but everything is so black and white with him and it all seems to land on the opposite side to my thoughts and feelings. Yes, I know Lisa will be smiling to herself at the minute given my views on things being black and white in terms of there being absolute right and absolute wrong but I also strongly believe that while some things can be either right or wrong, there are often reasons and justification for why something was the best option at the time. I just think that if something is understandable it doesn't change it being right or wrong in essence. But our pastor seems to have this total focus on self-sacrifice that I can't get to apply to the way life should be lived. Our last pastor was awesome and his teachings were so relevant (a bit like life-coaching) but our current pastor seems to denounce there being any value in this. But I love the people and I love the size of the church and I love our connections and community there and I love the acceptance of our circumstances and I love the music and the worship team so I really don't want to go anywhere else (although I kinda smile at the thought of 'church shopping', as is the term apparently) but, like I say, I'm struggling.

Well, I guess this has been troubling me more than I wanted to admit. I have ranted a bit about it to The Starchild (who only really goes to church for the sake of the kids) and one of our pastors other messages is that we shouldn't be looking at what we don't like about a church or come to church as someone in need as we should just come to help others and to give of ourselves so I don't feel it would help to talk directly to the pastor because it seems to me that what he will hear is just me saying what I want to take, not what I want to give.

I don't know that there is really a win-win solution here and I am such a win-win negotiator so that's also why this is weighing on me as it is. But, if anyone has any suggestions then I’d love to hear them...

3 comments:

Natalie said...

Tough question, Wendy.
The only real answer must come from your own heart. Sorry.
It is your life, and you are the one that has to sit in the pew and feel happy there.
Shopping for anything - even churches, is allowed in the Nat book of rules. x

Lisa said...

i do love a good sermon- they can be so inspiring.
I know why you are being challenged my sister- take what you need from the pastor and leave the rest.

Smiling- wendy logic- how i love it xx

Melora said...

I agree with the above my lovely Wendy. This looks to me like a test, a question for your soul to answer.
Love Heidi

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