Sunday, February 15, 2009

'I love you'

When the soul enjoys the quiet solitude of the witching hour more than the dazzling brilliance of a summers day resplendent in its fourth consecutive day of torrential downpours, what else can one do other than blog. Somewhat indignant am I though when The Starchild asks with a whinge and a grumble if I am only coming to bed now. This seems to cause him great displeasure, which I can understand no more than he can understand why I stay up late. It used to be the only time when I could catch up with me and just do me stuff but I can do that a few days a week during the day now; its just not the same.

So, awake am I and tired and my eyes are blurry even after a power nap on the lounge a few hours ago while watching TV. But happy. I had a good Valentines Day. I got The Starchild a card and he encouraged me to go out and buy the filter for my fish tank that I have been wanting, a new fridge for the outlaws and a new laptop for the business (not that I needed much encouragement). It was a tough slog, too, braving the weather and the salespeople. And, as is my way, I went to every store in a reasonable radius of my house, took notes, listened to spiels and talked turkey before making any purchase. As a result, these few purchases took a total of about 5 hours, but I am happy as I have more than I was expecting and slightly under budget so that's gotta be a good thing.

I also bought some Xbox controllers as they all seem to suffer horrible deaths at the hands of the widdies and the animals here. The smiley monster has just discovered that he can actually control Homer Simpson on the Simpson's game so he will also be eternally grateful to his most wonderful mother when the new controllers arrive. Oh, the things we do to get affection from our children. Actually, he is an enormously affectionate child, as are all of my widdies, and I'm gonna milk that for all its worth while I still can because I know that the time when public displays of affection will be shunned is fast approaching.

Speaking of public displays of affection and life stages, it's a funny thing saying 'I love you' in some families. In my family, there was always great affection but rarely did we say the words 'I love you'. Cards and even just daily chore lists were always signed 'love Mum' and whenever she drove me somewhere there was always a kiss (yes, even through high school and even when I was with my friends) but no 'I love you' was uttered.

In The Starchild's family there were even fewer displays of affection. I guess it was more of a generational thing (his parents are almost 20 years older than mine) and also due to how they were brought up, particularly for his mum whose mother died while his father was at war so she was raised for many years in a catholic orphanage until her older sister could raise her and her other brothers and sisters.

Even when raising my step kids (and I was only 18 when I first came to live with The Starchild and his children) there wasn't really any 'I love you's there. The Starchild did say it, but I don't remember saying it, which I can sort of understand looking back.

But things are different now, and I am so glad. It got to the point where I'd talk to my mum on the phone and it would feel funny not to say 'I love you' before hanging up, so I started to say it. She was a little thrown at first I think and even though this has been the case for many years now, she will rarely say it even now unless in response to me saying it. Same with Dad. But I still say it. Usually. Although I do go through stages where I am grumpy so don't say it but it is more common for me to say it than not. We always kiss and hug in person and there are even face to face 'I love you's these days, which is lovely.

And the outlaws, I think it was shortly after Kman was born and I decided I was going to say 'I love you' to them, too. That one has been more hesitant and they still don't really say it to The Starchild but it's becoming more frequent again. They are almost home from their holiday to Tasmania so we have spoken on the phone every day or so and at each of these calls there has been an 'I love you'. That is really wonderful.

And even the step-kids. Virgo Nurse and I haven't actually exchanged 'I love you's as yet but we do hello/goodbye kisses and hugs now that feel natural and more real. But the nine live cat with clipped wings, his 'I love you's are much more frequent. I guess, given his circumstances that not only is this a good thing, it is also completely understandable, but it could have gone either way. I have always held a deep and enormous affection for him, despite all of the horrible things he has done, so it's really good to be able to express that and for him to be able to express that to me as well. I think that has gone a long way to the emotional healing after the verbal forgiveness was put out there.

But, I fear I have rambled on for far too long so I'll just finish by saying I love you, too.


Natalie said...

That was a beautiful post, Wendy.

I am one of those people that find it hard to say Face to face.
I feel it, very much so in fact, but find it hard to say.

I can write it down far more readily, and still am affectionate, though i actually had to be taught by a stranger how to hug. :(
Don't assume they don't love you even if they don't always say it.

A very thought provoking entry, thanks.xx

Lisa said...

my parents where never affectionalte verbally or physically, which made me decide early on to be the total opposite.
which i am
as you know

Michelle said...

Well said.

And all too true.

dragonesque said...

Thanks, friends. I love yous all :-)