Thursday, October 8, 2009

What Tomorrow Brings

Yesterday morning I got through to 7am when the smiley monster climbed into my bed and still couldn't remember any of my dreams but then I drifted off and in that short 10 mins or so I had a terrible, terrible dream and the horror of it stayed with me for hours.

School holidays is not my favourite time. I fear it shows me up as a terrible mum because I don't really like to spend hours on end giving my children all of my attention. Don't get me wrong, we do stuff, and I am grateful to be home for them and have their friends over and things, I just feel like they demand more of me than I have to give most of the time.

On top of all this, I have received a few upsetting messages from my younger sister. I've been in self-defence mode with her for a while because I opened up to her at at extremely delicate time and I feel that she just used me so rather than tell her how I felt, which I have done in the past and as I don't feel she takes responsibility for her actions, neither of us end up any better off. But this last time was a really serious issue, or rather, two very serious issues, and I don't want to be in that situation again so i've just taken a step back. But she has decided to "fix" the problem my sending me messages that have been pretty offensive. I refrained from saying exactly what I was thinking in the first one but her second message was worse so I have opted for a more direct approach. I know it won't make any difference though. She has no concept of responsibility and is completely happy that way so will never understand that I have commitments and responsibilities and I make choices for people other than myself sometimes. Yep, it's not always fair, but that's life, isn't it.

Last night I slept for almost 12 hours and still don't feel much better for it. Let's see what tomorrow brings, hey?

1 comment:

Jewell said...

thinking of you xxx not really sure what you're going though but sending love your way xxx