My Life

So many changes
such unusual energy
am being told that this is good
and am definitely seeing
and feeling
many, many improvements
and potential
where not so long ago
was an horrendous void
but am still trying
to get a proper hold
to sink my fingers in
and grip
to find security
amidst the change
that should be good
but somehow
all of the
dark moon energy
seems to be
overpowering
the new moon energy
so all of the promises
of positives
of what is about to be
still seems so distant
that it might as well be
a million light years away
as just around the corner
as is being promised
and even though i do believe
that this positive change
is close
and the negative energy
is definitely in the past
this is like a limbo
that might as well be
a void
because the good
and the positive
is not yet able to
permeate
through the thin veneer of sanity
to get to the heart
of the matters
which have held court
in the dark recesses
from which the shadows still lurk
and all around me
my logical eye
sees and knows
what is about to be
and it sees and knows
this is good
but at the same time
my feeling eye
sees and knows
that there is still much shadow
within us all
and that  our path
through the forrest
to the land of promises
is not a wide, smoothly-pathed highway
and we are not
riding in luxury cars or planes
but are being carried
by our own two feet
which are attached to the body
that we tend to take for granted
and prevent ourselves
from making the best progress possible
but when we look at what we have
and what we can do
and position our inner Self
so we are facing forward
and are prepared to simply
get on with the hard work
and the many arduous tasks
that are before us
without stopping to pay the same tolls
over and over again
for other people's choices
so we fail to collect
on the rewards of what we have done ourselves
of that many things we have achieved
and just knuckle down
and move on
then we are just making things
more difficult for ourselves.

So, awake I was
in the wee small hours of the morning
to work with theamazing energies
that are happening around us at the moment
with the new moon
and the solar eclipse
and all of the other changes
that are taking place with the astral bodies
that surround our planet
that affect us
as above
so below
and I have determined my focus
and have set my intension
before the divine
and as I create within
so I will create without
once this new energy
finally enters my life.

A Wonderful Thing

Six months ago
I wasn't ready
for this outcome.

The entire possibility
seemed so entirely impossible
but it became
very much a reality
very quickly
and for some
just too, too much.

But as heartbreaking a journey
this has been
for me
and for many whom I love dearly
my pragmatic side
is well and truly
in gear
and I am seeing
once again
the present
for what it is.

Necessary.

A strength to build upon.
The right time.

A new beginning.
Positive progress.
The reason and sense to all our yesterdays.

And as much as I
as well as many others I'm sure
wish it were different
the fact is
that it is not.

Could is have been different?
Absolutely!

But should it have been different?
No way.

When I look back
at the ages
and stages
and phases
of my life
and see the last few years
and the many
many
many
journeys I have been experiencing
and then I compare those
to the one I have been on
just in the last six month
when I have had to choose
to work towards
what so many times
seemed like an impossibility
and when my faith waned
my resolved strengthen
not because I thought
what I was doing
would effect the outcome
but because I was doing
what I believed in
and what I believe in still
regardless of the outcome
and even when questioning faith
I was still acting on my choices
and where there was little else
to have faith in
having faith in my own resolve.

And I can now say
that I have done all I could do
and so have you
and that is a wonderful thing
and should be rejoiced
not mourned
and we should be grateful
and I know you are
and I want you to know
that I am, too.

But truth be told
I am tired.

I am so tired
in so many aspects of my life
and there are some that I just have to
keep juggling
but this one
I now know
after the last few years
of training and study
that I can still juggle
but with much more
flexible boundaries
and I am still worried
that I will fail
but less worried
than I have been in the past
because these last few years
and particularly these last six months
have proven to me
what I had lost faith in
after years and years
of travelling
just a few feet off my true path
and that is
that I can choose.

So, today I choose
support
loyalty
friendship
to you
and to me
and while I may not be able to do that for you
exactly how you need me to
that means I can also recognise
that sometimes you may not be able to do that for me
exactly how I need you to
and through that
I see
that we are
truly
doing the best we can
and that is
truly
a wonderful thing.

The World Instead

So, after thinking I had things sorted out
I tried them on
and didn't like the way they felt either.

So am now even more confused.

And still in a constant state of overwhelm.

And now it's school holidays
and I have kids to entertain
and I have been taking on more and more
and all of the things I have been taking on
are things that I love
and things that I want to do
but I am feeling a little
well
you know
overwhelmed

and none of it is hard
it's just that one of the things
that I am struggling with
more than normal
at the minute
is motivation
just one of the side effects
that harmonises too well
with my natural tendencies

and I really feel like having a whinge
but I won't
because it would only really be seen as just that
a whinge
and wouldn't serve any constructive purpose

It's like I'm expecting people to read my mind
and thats not cool
and is really quite unfair
but that's how I feel
and I think it's better than whinging
so that's how I'm going to be

Other than confused and overwhelmed, that is.

So, it's time to put my head down
and my bum up
and just do what needs to be done.

I don't like Option A
and I don't like Option B
so I'll just have to change the world instead.