Too Many Thoughts and Too Much Time On My Hands So No Reason Not To Blog Them All

*** Self-Indulgence Warning: This post is long and mostly very boring but I just felt like waffling on so apologies in advance and permission to end your reading here is unconditionally granted ***

Vivid dreams last night. The Starchild was looking at houses, as he likes to do, and he was showing me one house with a very cool swimming pool. He went on to explain that he had put the swimming pool together himself from a kit, only the kit was about 40cm x 30cm x 4cm but the swimming pool was a full sized swimming pool. He showed me the packet for the kit and it was like a modular panel thing. Needless to say I was very impressed. He then showed me an even bigger pool that he had done. It was just a backyard pool but it was about 25m long with four lanes then a wider section for free swimming and then an adjoined spa and a long bath. This pool was set on like a precipice so it had an amazing view from in the actual pool but it was just a view of suburbia as it was 'just a backyard pool'. I remember thinking how amazing it would be but how we needed to consider whether it would be safe enough for the kids.

It was at this second pool that I realised that I had my tongue pierced. I was vaguely aware in all parts of this dream that it was a dream but it was a dream that I was happy to go along with. I'm fairly squeamish about most piercings but particularly the tongue considering all of the problems and pain in can cause in the first week or so as the body protests what has been done to it but in the dream my tongue piercing was very clean with no redness or swelling and I was amazed to find there was no pain. I knew it was recent but I didn't remember getting it done and the back of the tongue ring (which was more like just a really long, straight earring) kept coming off. There was someone else there and I don't know who they were I but I seemed to know them at an acquaintance level in the dream and she reminded me of a girl I have seen working at a chemist somewhere in real life I think. I was showing her how the back of the ring kept coming off and I was intrigued by how cool and un-icky the entry hole in my tongue looked and how easily the ring went through, but the back just wouldn't stay on. Then the impossible princess was there and was trying to have a look as well and then my alarm went off in the real word and for some reason I thought it had already gone off a couple of times but I'd snoozed it and there was a voice that said something about that I'd better get up now or I'd just keep snoozing the alarm only and wouldn't do something (I can't remember the something that he said but there was a definite reason) only it wasn't in those words.

For the last two nights I have been aware of swirling energy around me. I have always spooked myself really easily and sometimes I don't like to turn off the lights downstairs, even though we always leave the light on in the stairwell, but for the last two nights I have only been aware of the fear in my head, in word form, and I don't actually feel the fear. I'm not sure what that means.

In other news, I'm a whisker away from no longer being obese. The Starchild gets a little upset when I refer to myself as obese as he says I am not actually obese and I don't really think that I am either but that is the range that my current body mass index falls into. I've always considered myself overweight and I know that approaching my mid-thirties and after having three kids and not having a good diet or regular exercise routine my whole life that the longer I continue on this way the harder it gets to reverse what I have been doing to myself. I lost 10kg over about 2 months last year but had regained 6kg by the end of the year. I started again at the beginning of this year and have lost 4.2kg, which is actually 3 weeks of losing weight and 2 weeks of gaining weight so far and I know this isn't ideal but I'm working on it and that's a good thing.

In many areas of my life I am seeking consistent application of the things that I know I need to do and this is definitely one of them. I keep reminding myself that habits are just repeated actions and when I get to the point that I am repeating more of the desirable actions each day (which in the area of my body is things such as exercising, drinking a minimum of 2lts of water and eating appropriately nutritious foods) and less of the undesirable actions (like eating chocolate and junk food, not getting enough sleep and not being active) then I will be a person with good habits.

Overall I am feeling really positive about how things are going. The Starchild and I had a talk last night (the one we were planning on having about a week ago) and it turned out being this big pep talk. One of the things I said was about how we know the things that make us happy that we should be investing in and we know the things that are causing problems and there are immediate changes we can make to start to help alleviate them but because we are so tired or so caught up in everything we just don't seem to make the changes we know we need to, but at the minute I feel like we are making progress. I wouldn't have chosen not to have a "real job" but I am so happy about so many things that this is bringing into our lives and these are the things that were big problems for us previously. I keep making a point of saying things like "it was so good to get the kids to swimming without having to growl at them because we're so rushed" and "I'm so happy that all of the washing has been up to date all year!!!". Anyway, The Starchild is still in a bit of a rut about it all, which I can understand but I am working on maintaining consistency and continued improvement in our lives and because of the things that I have been doing recently I really feel the positive potential is being realised. I know I will still have days where I don't feel this and I guess I will just think of them as a bad day, but I know that if each day I take even just one little action, be it working through my daily To Do list, or making a phone call, or researching something, or getting even just one niggling job done that I've been wanting to do for ages, then at the end of the week I will have done a minimum of seven positive things and if I look at it that way then it's very easy to keep the positive momentum going.