Saturday, March 7, 2009

Good Challenges

Yes, the dreams are back. In all truth I love them although I am worried by some of them at the same time. They often contain very dramatic scenes on a particular theme. Not every time but fairly often. I am most concerned as I just do not believe these dreams are literal; it just doesn't fit with my reality, but still they recur. Obviously I am not getting the point, that is why I keep having these dreams. Either I am taking them too literally or I am not taking them literally enough. I hope that I do and that I don't find out which is which soon enough. Does that make sense?

And I have been thinking about how much I mistreat myself sometimes. Is this something that we all do? Nothing too serious but certainly taking conscious and repeat actions towards self-sabotage. I am trying. Trying, in fact, more than I have ever tried in my life. But my destructive actions seem to be as intense as my productive actions. Is this some sort of crazy-assed natural equilibrium nonsense within the universe? Actually, I think I know the reason. I think I am meant to learn something and only then will I be able to move forward on the self-improvement aspects that I am seeking. In truth, I don't deserve these rewards yet. I am willing to put in some of the hard work, but not all of it, and until I find my key to unlocking and releasing my true, unique self, I will not be able to resist and implement the willpower that I can exercise sometimes but not others.

It's interesting to note when my willpower is at it's lowest ebb, and that is from about a week before my monthly cycle. At these times I LOOOOVEEE chocolate, and wine and spicy food. What is that? It hasn't always been the way but it is something I am very aware of at the minute.

I really wish that I could find my key. I see that when I meditate and when I get enough sleep I am achieving much more these days then when I used to do these things and I take this as a definite sign of progress. I also think that I have made a lot of 'background' progress and that all I have to do is now act on it and I will be able to tap into the secrets I am starting to unlock. It's like I know the theory but I still struggle to put it into practice. This was one of the main reasons I really wanted to do YAAD and I have progressed a little in this respect but not as much as I would have thought. I guess that is something that is actually entirely up to me to make happen or not though.

Thinking about a lot of things again tonight.

Have finally set up wireless at home so am enjoying the luxury of being online while co-existing with the family. The Starchild and the smiley monster are in Sydney tonight visiting the Virgo Nurse and the cat of nine lives with clipped wings. I am hosting a junk-food dinner of chips and chocolate with Kman and the impossible princess while watching The Dark Crystal. Yes, such an old movie but we are all enjoying it. I will be lonely tonight once the widdies go to bed but I will still have lots to do to keep my occupied, as always. Have lots of fantastic blogs to catch up on and am looking forward to that, so expect a few comments to be coming your way - apologies if they are for posts that are a few days old.

I am also still thinking about the thing I am feeling drawn to do even though I know it will be a huge step out of my comfort zone so I really do and don't want to do it at the same time. Life is a challenge but it is good.


Natalie said...

Hi, Wendy, I love your posts. Your wisdom and intelligence shine through. A pleasure to read.

By the by, I have read that just before a woman's cycle, Magnesium is required - hence the chocolate, which is rich in Magnesium.

Dates are a healthy option with higher Magnesium count I think, don't quote me.Check it out if you are interested.x :D

Jen said...

I agree with Nat, but was wondering if you were interested in Astrology at all.

Some of the questions you ask may be addressed by having your chart done professionally. I only say this because I have had mine done and it answered a lot of these kind of quesions for me.

Would be happy to talk to you about this if you wish.

Luv Jen

Sarah said...

I do love your posts - sometimes I have nothing to add as you have wonderful followers - here though I just might. We have and watch The Dark Crystal - often (have 2 of 5 children still at home). All the PMS cravings you listed are sooo normal - try a calcium and magnesium combo - you will be suprised how well that works.
As for... I have all the keys but can't seem to open the doors & meditation- From the Bhagavad Gita - ancient text of Yoga - "Oh the mind is restless, turbulent, strong and unyielding. I consider it difficult to subdue as the wind." Sometimes when I do - it just does not work. There have been many times in my life that I just can't make my self do - whatever!! You are so wise hon!!!
Blessings, Sarah

Michelle said...

Yes to all the above, but also, sometimes you have to fake it till you make it. I found that with such things, just trying to implement them, even though it may be forced for a while, usually leads to a place where they become part of you. Not always, but the important things stick.