Out With The Old

Hmmm, full moon ritual last night honouring the goddess Hecate and working with her at the crossroads in our lives. The ritual included a meditation and I am a little freaked out in a reassured kind of way about what I experienced, if that makes sense.

I'm usually pretty quiet in groups but that is something that I have been working with to allow me to be comfortable being myself in all situations. I like group discussions and particularly the sharing that occurs but last night after the meditation I reverted to my quiet self. I wanted to share what I'd experienced but even with such a comfortable group of like minded sisters, I held back.

I guess I was mostly trying to come to terms with what I'd felt. The whole meditation was beautiful and I had a strong sense of *knowing* throughout, even with the parts of the meditation that described uncertainty. At the crossroads, I knew I had to turn right. As I listened to w.w. saying we were at a crossroads and were looking for an answer, I was thinking, 'But, I *know* which way to go' and as she was saying that we would turn to Hecate for the answer and that Hecate would tell us that we needed to make the choice ourselves, I was thinking, 'yep, ok, I know what I need to do and I'm not seeking Hecate for her to tell me the answer, but if she could just take the first few steps with me and maybe walk with me for a while, even though I know it shouldn't matter, it would still be so helpful'.

And that's what happened. She took my hand as I turned right at the crossroads and we walked. As we went, I saw many of the things that I knew I needed to do start to take shape and form a timeline (PM skills die hard). These were all of the things that I have been thinking about for some time but that I haven't been planning properly or, most importantly, hadn't been acting on. And as I kept walking, Hecate's presence was always there but I could no longer feel her holding my hand and as we continued further I started to walk a few steps in front of her without even thinking about it.

And, in the moment before w.w. started to guide us back to the crossroads, Hecate stopped me and turned me around to face her. She held both of my arms just above the elbows, leaned forward and breathed into my mouth. I felt the warmth of her breath around the lower part of my face and then I realised what she was doing so I drew in my own breath to accept her gift. Then, after what seemed like a lifetime but was over in an instant, she drew back and away up into the darkened sky.

And I kept walking and it was a little difficult as the meditation called to return to the crossroads, but that didn't seem right so I just kept walking onwards but returning to the present with each step forward.

As I thought more about it, the feeling of perfectness increased. This was the first time that I have really worked with a goddess and to have been given exactly what I needed and to see and feel it so clearly was truly inspiring. I'm hesitant to describe it as being kissed by a goddess, for, even though our mouths met, the purpose was for her to give some of herself to be with me after the end of the meditation, and the breath is so symbolic on many levels. To continue to have her with me without her there and to show me that my need for support would always be fulfilled by what was within me; so beautiful and I am so amazed still.

Another thing from the meditation that occurred to me today was how I was having problems visualising what I needed to leave at the crossroads. I had actually been thinking in the last few days about the need to release things so as to make room for the extra things I am seeking, but I hadn't been able to define it at any time. In the meditation, I threw a few words such as limitations, road-blocks, fear, self-doubt, etc into a "concept cloak" and took that off, leaving it in a crumpled heap on the earth but while the idea of leaving things behind seemed so right, I still didn't feel that I had that part sorted out properly. Today, I realised that I had also been planning a Detox. I'd bought a Detox pack earlier in the week and was tossing up about when to start it, finally settling on Friday for a number of different reasons. As I was making breakfast this morning, I was suddenly hit by the connection between detoxing my body and spiritual clearing (yep, slow learner, I know). So, perhaps traits are not what I need to leave behind at the moment but I just need to hit the old psyche as well as the mundane with a good clean out.

Day one of the Detox is going well. It's a 15 day course and I'm expecting to feel a little off over the next couple of days, even though I was fortunate not to have any ill-effects the last time I detoxed. I am really excited and am looking forward to further progress on many levels - out with the old, as it were.