Now or Ever

How can I
possibly tell you
how offended I am
how belittled I feel

betrayed
disrespected
and humiliated

when
if I did tell you
then the best case would be
that you really understood

which would only serve

to make you feel the same
as I feel now

and the worst case would be
that you didn't understand
or didn't care
or didn't accept
how your words
and attitude
and actions
and inactions
affect others

which would only serve
to make you angry at me
which is where the spiral of the end begins
and that is the last thing anyone wants
of that I am sure

On one hand
I know
that your words
and your thoughts
and your attitudes
are yours
and not mine
and the only power
they have over me
is the power
that I grant them

but you are my friend
and my sister
and when I open my heart to you
as a friend and a sister
I am opening myself
to the affects of your words
and your thoughts
and your attitudes

and I don't think
that you even realise
that you have caused me any pain
or upset
or insult
or injury

but you have


And because I do love you
and I don't want to hurt you
and I don't want to close off to you
then all I can do now
is continue to love you
as a friend and a sister
unconditionally
for who you are
and to know that
you have also been hurt

so whether you mean it or not
when you hurt me
you are only protecting yourself
and it is a result
of your own insecurities
which are things we all have

and I am sure
that my insecurities
have also played part
in how I feel
and have also played part
in things that I have said
and done

So for now
we can just both continue to grow
together
as friends and as sisters
and I wont need to work out
how I can possibly tell you
how offended I am
how belittled I feel
betrayed
disrespected
and humiliated

because I can love myself
unconditionally
for who I am

and when anyone else
whether they are a friend or sister
or whether they are a stranger
offends
belittles me
betrays me
disrespects me
and even humiliates me

it does not diminish that love
and that is the only thing
that I need to feed
or to give power to
now or ever