How It Should Be

Sometimes
you work really hard on something
and get it exactly how you like it
with
perhaps
a minor tweak here and there
but otherwise
it's all perfectly functional
just so
just you
just right
and you think you will never change it

and sometimes
something happens and it has to change

and sometimes
nothing happens
but you wake up one morning
or you suddenly realise as you're buttering your toast
or doing the vacuuming
or when you're stopped at a traffic light
or having a shower
(my favourite is the shower)

that it has to change
that you want it to change

there is no should
no maybe
no perhaps, might, ifs, buts or otherwise

its just no longer you

and you know
that is, you just *know*
that it no longer serves you to hold onto it anymore

and you don't just think about changing it
you do it
straight away

and once it's done
you feel better
you feel good about it
you don't miss it at all
even though you are glad that it was what it was
you are even gladder that it is what it now is

and it gives you a calm
peaceful
contentment

well, that is 2010 for me
maybe for you, too

sure, it happens all the time
well, maybe not *all* the time
but its not particularly unusual
for most people

but 2010 is proving to be one of these things after another
in areas that I didn't think needed any changes at all

and I'm not worried
because I am trusting in myself
believing in those feelings
that knowing

and it may not all turn out 100% perfect
first time
every time

but, then again, what does?

but having made the change
is good

in 2010 I am expecting the unexpected
and trusting
and having faith
and listening
and answering

yes, that is now
and that is how it should be

Think About Them

I've been doing a little daily tarot exercise over the last few weeks and last night I decided to do a summary of the cards I'd been drawing, which brought new insights and perspectives, as is usually the case with tarot. As I'd just scribbled the summary out roughly on some paper, I thought it would be better to post it here in the interest of posterity. I'd like to continue to do these daily card selections, even though it has been tough to fit it in some days, and even toyed with the idea of creating a separate blog for the purpose but I'm about simplifying and clearing out at the minute, not giving myself more stuff to do so it looks like it will just land here.

15.12.09 - 7 of Cups
16.12.09 - Knight of Wands
17.12.09 - Queen of Cups
18.12.09 - King of Wands
19.12.09 - MAGICIAN
20.12.09 - HANGING MAN
21.12.09 - CHARIOT
22.12.09 - Page of Wands
23.12.09 - 4 of Cups
24.12.09 - 5 of Coins
25.12.09 - 6 of Wands
26.12.09 - Queen of Coins
27.12.09 - Page of Coins
28.12.09 - 9 of Swords
29.12.09 - TEMPERANCE
30.12.09 - EMPEROR
31.12.09 - Page of Swords
01.01.10 - Ace of Cups
02.01.10 - 6 of Cups
03.01.10 - 5 of Wands
04.01.10 - STAR
05.01.10 - FOOL
06.01.10 - TEMPERANCE
07.01.10 - PRIESTESS
08.01.10 - DEATH
09.01.10 - Queen of Coins
10.01.10 - 8 of Cups
11.01.10 - WORLD
12.01.10 - MAGICIAN
13.01.10 - 4 of Cups
14.01.10 - WORLD
15.01.10 - DEATH
16.01.10 - Page of Cups
17.01.10 - 4 of Coins
18.01.10 - 4 of Cups

Here are some of the things I noticed when I put the cards in this format:

• The statistical likelihood of getting a card from each group is 28% for major arcana (22 majors in a 78 card deck) and 18% for each of the suits (14 of each suit in a 78 card deck) but the breakdown of the 35 cards over this time was 14 majors (40%), 9 cups (26%), 5 wands (14%), 5 coins (14%) and 2 swords (6%). This tells me that this period involved more major life events or shifts for me and that a lot of my daily life was involved in matters of an emotional nature. This is exactly how I have been feeling.
• I drew the Magician, Temperance, World, Death and the Queen of Coins cards twice and the 4 of Cups three times.
• I drew all of the Page cards but only once for each of them.
• The major arcanas were all drawn in consecutive days of either two, three or five; there was never a day where I drew a major with minors on the days immediately preceding or following.
• I drew "4" cards four times - the 4 of Cups three times and the 4 of Coins once.

Interestingly enough, I was feeling all of the energy from the Majors so decided to do a Karmic Spread and ended up with 5 of the Lovers, which was quite confusing as I hadn't drawn this card at all previously.

Well, I'm sure there are lots of other things to think about here so I'm going to go off now and think about them ☺

Will Not Steer Me Wrong

With love and thanks to Harmony for her amazing insights and perspectives. Please visit her website for more information about her work.

Aquarius – 11 to 17 January 2010

“Something big is waiting in the wings. Can you feel it?”

I’ve been feeling this approaching towards the end of last year but didn’t know what it was until the last few weeks. There is so much movement and the knowledge of the upcoming Copernican shift is as exciting as it is tremendous.

“With so much activity in your 12th house this week you are set to have some massive revelations that can free you from old fears and attachments to the past that no longer serve your growth.”

This has been my sudden decision last night to step away from the church. There are so many reasons for this but the only one that really makes any sense to me at all at the minute it that it feels right.

“This is a pivotal moment in your evolution and any energy you feel this week leading up to it is powerful indeed!”

I am sure that this will be both a release and an opening for opportunity. It is all fitting into place.

“On Monday the sun/Venus/north node conjunction lights up your 12h house and brings insights, dreams, synchronicities and illumination to your unconscious in profound ways! Seeing your shadow is not easy, but this week you have the capacity to do just that- which will lead to expanded awareness and unprecedented spiritual growth. On Thursday the solar eclipse falls in this same house, supporting powerful new beginnings when it comes to connecting to your unconscious, seeing your 'stuff' and learning how to move through old wounds and fears in transformational ways. Solar eclipses are potent new moons whose effects can be felt for up to 6 months, but what is put into motion this week can actually impact your entire life path! It’s really that significant!”

This is a very big thing to think about. Does it mean that something will happen that I will follow or that I will do something that will forge the path forward? I rather think it is the latter, or perhaps the former that results from the latter and I can feel the weight of the responsibility of this. I have to choose but it’s not so much a fear of making the wrong choice but of not making a choice at all.

“On Friday mercury stations direct after his 3 week retrograde journey in which you've been very introspective, reflective and inward. All that you've reviewed, reassessed and rethought is ready to be acted upon come Friday.”

Now is the time! No more procrastinating. I’ve been ready for this but have been afraid I will just let it pass me by. I can’t let that happen, not this time, there are too many things telling me it is right and that I need to act.

“Pay attention to your dreams for messages of what to do.”

My dreams are active again but I need to remember them. I have to believe that I am absorbing what I need on some level but I now need it in my consciousness. Perhaps the action that I need to take has something to do with working on bringing these dreams and the messages from my subconscious to the forefront.

“The week ends with Jupiter moving into Pisces and your 2nd house of income, self worth and values. Jupiter is the greater benefic and wherever he transits he brings opportunity, abundance, blessings and luck. In your 2nd house you are set to expand your abundance consciousness in potent ways! But even more important than money is your value of yourself. Loving yourself unconditionally and realizing your deep worth will attract just what you want and need in your life.”

The areas of income, self worth and values are the ones that I believe this change will have a major affect on, although I don’t think they are the areas that the action will occur in. I usually feel comfortable in my level of self esteem, mostly because I have been in some terribly low places in these regards in the past and I know that I am not there now, but I do feel I have been doing some gentle work in this area and that there is a little more of the foundations that I should have laid years ago that it is now time to put into place. Foundations are definitely something I have been thinking about a lot.

“When making decisions this week stay out of the head and listen with the heart. It will not steer you wrong.”

I struggled so much yesterday because I needed to make a decision that I have been thinking about for a long time although hadn’t felt that there was anything I actually needed to decide on or choose between, despite what things may have looked like from the outside. I was ok with this for a long time but it all came to a very unexpected head last night; I hadn’t even known that it was brewing and suddenly I felt very intensely that I needed to make a decision. My head was telling me that I had thought this through for a very long time and I was at peace with where I was and that I hadn’t felt a need to change this before so to suddenly have it on my heart that I not only needed to make a decision but that there was a really big change that I had to make with my choices and that feeling as emotional as I did then it was the completely wrong time to be making a decision like this. Then I realised that I just had to listen to my heart. My heart was telling me that I was no longer meant to be with the church. So I decided to leave. For now, or maybe forever, either way I think will be ok. Another important thing I have learnt (or rather, had reinforced) is that these are not the sort of things that I need the help from other people in order to make my mind up. Sometimes it is good to have someone to bounce some thoughts or ideas off but if they tell you what to do then they can be perceived as trying to control you or lead your life and if they don’t tell you what to do then perhaps they may be thought of as apathetic and unsupportive. Neither is actually true. The truth is that I am being guided by my own counsel and that is the best advice there is. My heart will not steer me wrong.