Wednesday, December 2, 2009

In Another Life

The Christmas tree is up and decorated, the house is delightfully lighted and the Christmas cards have been written. The Christmas shopping has been started and, even though I know I'm sure I will still be racing around madly trying to get the last things finalised on Christmas eve, I'm feeling pretty bloody organised and ready for Christmas for once in my life.

We went to Lithgow on Saturday to see the nine live cat with clipped wings, then lunch with Virgo Nurse, then home and finishing the aforementioned Christmas decorating. Church on Sunday morning was bitter-sweet. I'd been praying for guidance since my huge attack of self doubt two weeks ago and I feel my prayers were actually answered but, at the same time, I was given a bit of a kick up the arse for being so narrowly focused, which is not really typical of me and while it was humbling it was still good to be given a nudge back on track.

We had a really bad rehearsal before service and didn't even get to play through all of the songs we were doing. We didn't have any of the regular people on the sound desk and it is a new system so it hasn't even really been worked out by the people who are normally there. The drummer ended up helping with the desk so we had a different drummer who is good but who hadn't played a full kit for many years (remembering that we didn't get to go through all of the songs). Then one of the team didn't arrive until 20 minutes before start, brought her accoustic guitar when she was rostered for bass and revealed that she didn't have the music for two of the songs and that she didn't even know one of those two at all. Also, our best musician was off and our lead is good and has a wonderful heart for worship but is not really very strong in terms of keeping things on track when it needs to be done forcefully. As a result of all of this, she totally lost her confidence, dove straight into the music without getting the congregation prepared, stopped prompting and guiding the songs, playing wrong notes on the keyboard and running the wrong timings so we ended up completely butchering the first song and only getting marginally better in the other three.

From my point of view, I really love all of the songs we did and they suit my voice and range so I was singing better than my normal average self, which our lead said was the only saving grace of the whole worship. Unfortunately, this only made me feel worse because I knew that I'd sung well and was comfortable that God had been working with my prayers so didn't need the reassurance as I had the two weeks previous but I knew exactly how bad our lead felt as I had been in that state of mind when I had the self-doubt stuff happening. And I believe it was worse for her as she was leading, even though the mistakes she made were only as a result of everything else going wrong. We had a really good talk afterward though, even though it was just the two of us and it really should have been something laid before the whole worship team as it is something we need to all work together on in order to improve on. It was this whole team thing that I felt bad about but it did give me a burst of renewed passion and dedication for my purpose and what I have to contribute.

Sunday afternoon was good but uneventful. Local kids over playing with our kids. Late dip in the pool before dinner then food, showers and bed.

Monday I went for a horse ride. My inexperience is not very helpful with Pheobe, the horse I ride, and she was the most stubborn to start off with that she has been so far but once we worked through that, we had the best solo ride that we have had so far. Here's a picture of Pheobe - lovely, isn't she!

Last night The Smiley Monster was complaining of a sore tummy and ended up being up most of the night as a result. I kept him home with me today so didn't get much done. Am going to be up at the school tomorrow morning, then straight to a friends place for a cuppa then we are going to catch a movie, then straight back to pick the kids up from school, then swimming lessons, then dinner then out for ritual at the Cottage where I'm assisting Ix-chell, who is going to be High Priestess for the evening. She has written a very lovely ritual and I'm really looking forward to spending some time in circle.

Well, as much as I seem to avoid it sometimes, I really must take myself off to bed. Going to need a V or three to get through the day tomorrow for sure - I wish I could sleep all day and just do stuff at night, my brain is so much more active and seems to work better then. Oh, well, perhaps I'll be a vampire again in another life ;-P

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