Saturday, December 13, 2008

Master Three, Odin, Beliefs and Reality

WOW, so that last post was a bit of a trip. I think I'll do that again sometime. But not now.

It is the smiley monster's third birthday today. He is so cute. The outlaws came over and so did Binn and her daughter. The smiley monster is now the proud owner of a new Buzz and Woody, which he has been longing for desperately - thanks, Binn! Also a Roary the Racing Car DVD (thanks to the outlaws), which he sings incessantly. I hadn't seen it before but I have to say from the bits I've watched today it looks way cool. Also, some other presents for the monster and a good day has been had by all. So far.

I cried a bucket load of tears last night to The Starchild and we managed to avoid a fight. He's no good with emotional displays but it's been a while since I let everything out and I clearly needed to do it. I feel a bit stupid because my feelings are so disproportionate to my current situation, so I guess there are other things going on with me that I need to figure out and worth with. I also guess that makes all this just a case of growing pains. What a crock of shit.

Odin is meant to stop by tomorrow. It is conditional, of course, and for a purpose other than to see me, but I am experiencing child-like excitement over the thought. I would love nothing more at this point to spend the many hours of tomorrow evening partaking in red wine and silly yet deep conversations and I know that is not actually going to be any part of what will happen but that is still what is in my heart. In reality, I'm sure it will be much like the last visit with 30 minutes of lip service with cats bum face perched on the edge of the chair nearest the door. I know it's not acceptable and Odin knows it's not acceptable and you would think with all of the power of the father of the Gods he would be capable of so much more, wouldn't you? But we created the Gods as immortals and then forgot about them so we can't really blame them for forgetting how to be relevant in our lives. Ha, I'm tickled by how well that little analogy fits in this story. That Douglas Adams is such a genius.

There are issues to force that I focused on for such a long time and decided to give up on. I'm older now and probably more apathetic about life as a whole but I am none the less at a cross roads. I need to ask myself "WWWD?" - and am scared that the fact that I don't know the answer to that reminds me that I started to lose myself before I even found myself. The task at hand is therefore all the more difficult but still not impossible. What were the words to the Simon Townsend's Wonder World TV Show theme song?

"If you believe
that anything can happen.
If you believe
that anything is possible, then
you belong with me
so let your mind run free.
If you believe
we're all a little crazy
(a little crazy).
If you believe
in giving everything your best, then
you belong with me
so let your mind run free."

I have to keep reminding myself of that because I am having issues where my reality seems so far removed from my beliefs and I'm sure that's not how it's meant to be.

1 comment:

Rowan said...

All right back at you my love :)
You sound betterer... can there be no charges for that too??
Love to you... let me know how it went.